“When gym meets spy: a tale of ambition, chaos, and the most unlikely espionage duo you’ll ever encounter.”
Watch the original version of Burn After Reading
Prologue:
In the quiet cloisters of Langley, Virginia, beneath the oppressive edifice of the Central Intelligence Agency, brooded Osborne Cox. A seasoned CIA analyst, Cox was a man of countlessly ciphered secrets, his life a complex web of delicately concealed intelligence. His termination, veiled under the euphemism of ‘demotion,’ was the last straw. Bitter and indignant, he decided to pen his memoirs, a tell-all account that would reveal the intricate workings of America’s most clandestine organization.
However, fate, in its inimitable jesting manner, had other plans.
Chapter 1: “Finding The Disc”
In the heart of Washington, nestled amidst urban cacophony and throbbing vitality, stood the Hardbodies Fitness center. Here, Linda Litzke and Chad Feldheimer were employees, each carrying their unique burdens. Linda, chained by insecurities about her physical appearance, passionately dreamt of cosmetic surgery transformation. Chad, a personal trainer, possessed an almost childlike naivety, belying his muscular exterior.
One day, in the lost-and-found section of Hardbodies, a compact disc caught Chad’s eye. His curiosity piqued, they popped it into a computer. Lines of cryptic data scrolled across the screen, incomprehensible, yet intriguing. Deciphering the data, they discovered the disc held Osborne Cox’s memoirs. The duo’s eyes glittered, not with understanding the national importance of the words, but with the realization of a potential windfall. Linda’s dreams seemed attainable, and Chad was more than willing to aid his friend.
And so, they began devising a plan, a plan that was as ludicrous as their understanding of the world of intelligence. Chad, filled with stories of espionage and counterintelligence from Hollywood movies, took charge. They would return the disc to Cox but for a price. Proceeds of this operation, Linda decided, would finance her much-desired surgeries.
Contacting Cox, however, was another comic story. Googling his name – a later development from Chad’s side – led them to a grumpy and suspicious Osborne. He was not amused nor interested in their game of ‘extortion’ and hung up abruptly, leaving Linda and Chad bewildered. They were blissfully unaware that they had sparked a flame that would engulf them and others in a raging fire of chaos and hilarity.
Unfazed by the initial failure, Linda pushed Chad to attempt again, believing that their “golden goose” wouldn’t let his secrets out in the open for too long. However, the world they were stepping into, the world of spies, secrets, and shadows, was well beyond their simple understanding and far too complex for their bungled plans.
Amidst their personal lives, gym duties, and their newfound venture into half-baked espionage, the comedy of errors had just begun unfolding. Encounters would turn into misencounters, plans would backfire, and through it all, Linda and Chad would remain blissfully unaware of the whirlwind they were setting into motion.
Little did they know that their lives were about to become a spinning vortex of drama, chaos, and hilarity, set into motion by a simple disc.
Chapter 2: “The Quirky Duo’s Misadventures”
Our protagonist pair, Linda and Chad, fellow employees at Hardbodies fitness center, were not exactly renowned for their brains. Linda, a vivacious woman with an unhealthy obsession with her appearances, was more consumed with her desire to change her looks than maintaining the gym’s accounts. Chad, a likeable yet simple-minded personal trainer, was more invested in his hair gel than in his clients’ health. Both lacking in intellect but abundant in ambition, they found themselves embroiled in a scheme much larger than any workout plan.
Linda and Chad began their adventure in earnest, steps away from the gym’s treadmills and smoothie bar. The disc brimmed with potential – Linda saw it as a passport to a much-desired physical transformation, while Chad reveled in the thrill of their newfound espionage. Osborne Cox’s memoirs, filled with covert operations and secretive dealings, had transformed from mundane words into a treasure trove for the pair.
Their initial plan, simple in its conception, was to return the disc to Osborne, requesting a reward for their good Samaritan act. But the execution, oh, the execution, was as clumsy as a first-time gym-goer on a rowing machine. First, came their stakeout phase – a task they somehow equated with a children’s game of hide and seek, peeking from behind cars and bushes, giggling like school kids, and not at all inconspicuously tailing Osborne. The operation, as could be expected, was far from successful.
Next, they attempted to establish contact with Osborne. Chad, watching too many spy movies, decided a payphone was their best bet – the public, anonymous nature perfect for their clandestine dealings. After a thirty-minute tutorial on how to operate this relic from the past, Chad dialed Osborne’s number, his finger trembling with excitement. Osborne, taken aback and not just a little irate, hung up on the bewildered Chad, sparking a series of hilariously inept re-dials and panicked voice messages.
The comedy of errors continued as the duo decided to infiltrate Osborne’s home. Linda, clad in ludicrously flashy ‘spy gear,’ and Chad, sporting an ill-fitting balaclava and his signature grin, made a pitiful attempt at blending in. They brazenly traversed the property, tripping over garden gnomes and producing enough noise to wake a hibernating bear. Even though they notably failed, they managed to obtain a few irrelevant documents to further their cause.
Each step they took into this alien world of espionage was marked with misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and missed chances. However, their combined naivety and enthusiasm, coupled with their hilarious shenanigans, made this an engaging journey of mishaps and mayhem.
Their ill-conceived plans, executed with the grace of an elephant on roller skates, were far from successful. But the more they bumbled, the deeper they dug themselves into this intriguing mess. From the initial stakeouts to the disastrous home invasion, their actions attracted attention from all the wrong quarters – raising the stakes and setting up a wave of chaotic events neither of them could ever have forecasted.
And yet, amidst all this chaos, Linda and Chad remained blissfully ignorant of the impending storm. They mistook every wrong step as a minor misstep, every obstacle as a mere annoyance. Their comedy of errors was a laugh riot for the onlookers, but for them, it was a path to potential riches and a life-altering change.
As they blundered through their self-crafted labyrinth of troubles, both Linda and Chad stayed resilient. Their spirits remained unbroken, their motivation undeterred. Their dreams were still within their sights – Linda’s new appearance, Chad’s life of thrill. All they needed was to keep moving, keep fumbling forward in this whirlwind of comedic catastrophes.
Little did they know, their misadventures were just the beginning of a wild rollercoaster ride, set to plunge them into depths they had never imagined. Their world was about to get way more complicated, and they, being hilariously oblivious to it all, could only buckle up for the off-beat symphony of chaos they had composed.
Chapter 3: “Crossed Paths”
An ordinary day at the gym became the crossroads of four lives. Linda, the restless dreamer with vision board full of dreams and Chad, the upbeat personal trainer with an infectious spirit, were still no closer to monetizing the disc they discovered. Instead, they found themselves tangled deeper inside a convoluted web of chaos.
The day had started with Linda fixated on her brochure for cosmetic surgery. Returning to reality, she found Chad obliviously working out, a stark contrast to her desperate contemplation. They planned to decipher the disc during their lunch break, a decision that proved to trigger a domino effect of frenzied events.
Meanwhile, Harry Pfarrer, a seasoned U.S. Marshal with a roving eye, was carrying out his own clandestine operation – an affair with his wife’s friend, Katie Cox, the chilly spouse of Osborne Cox. Unbeknownst to him, he was about to unknowingly collide into Linda and Chad’s world.
Sandy, Harry’s wife, suspicious of her husband’s behavior, had started visiting Hardbodies gym regularly to keep an eye on him. She happened upon Chad, the ever-friendly trainer, and managed to forge an unlikely friendship. As an attempt to distract herself from her failing marriage, she engaged in long conversations with Chad.
Linda, in the meantime, had a chance encounter with Harry. The gym’s juice bar served as the backdrop for their meeting; Harry was mid-flirt with the teenage bartender when Linda sauntered in. With an idle comment about the need for money, she immediately piqued Harry’s interest. He saw her as an easy target—someone he could potentially manipulate for his own benefit.
In the midst of their haphazard interactions, the disc became a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Linda and Chad’s attempts to understand its content constantly interrupted by the gym’s patron’s casual interruptions. This added to the comedic absurdity of their situation, two gym employees thrown into a world of espionage and secret codes.
Harry, intrigued by Linda’s mysterious aura and driven by his own curiosity, found himself prying into Linda and Chad’s secret operation. His extramarital exploits had made him adept at sneaking around, making it easy for him to follow Linda and Chad without suspicion. Discovering their secret, he decided to use it to his advantage.
The chapter ended with a dramatic twist as Linda, Chad, Harry, and Sandy’s lives clashed together. A misplaced gym bag, once harmless, now turned catalyst for events going awry. The disc’s secrets blurred with marital deceptions and get-rich-quick schemes, each person entangled in their own lies and ambitions.
Harry’s attempt to manipulate the situation for his benefit unknowingly led him to the heart of the chaos. Sandy’s innocent friendship with Chad made her an unintended participant in the chaos. Linda and Chad, driven by their hopes and dreams, became puppets in their own plot.
Linda was still pursuing her dream of youthful beauty, and Chad was unwittingly drawn into the vortex. Harry, on the other hand, was spinning his own web of deceit, while Sandy was just trying to mend her broken heart. The disc had managed to link their lives in a dangerous, chaotic, and somewhat hilarious dance of fate.
“Crossed Paths” painted an intricate portrait of how these characters’ lives intersected in unexpected ways. With a mix of comedy and drama, the chapter explored the complexities of their intentions, their plans, and their desires. The gym employees, the cheating husband, and the suspicious wife—each playing their unwitting part in a spiraling series of events triggered by a misplaced disc.
Chapter 4: “Twists and Turns”
The atmosphere in Hardbodies gym was fraught with tension when Linda and Chad held what they believed was the key to their dreams. However, nothing prepared them for the rollercoaster of events to come. Their world, usually filled with treadmills, protein shakes, and fitness regimens, was about to clash with the murky realm of espionage and international intrigue, tossing them into a whirlwind of absurdity.
The duo, unsure of how to proceed, decided it was time to shake things up a bit. They needed to locate a potential buyer for the disc. Their first target became the Russian embassy, a decision made even more ridiculous by their complete lack of understanding of the complexities of international relations and intelligence affairs. In Linda’s mind, it was simple: Russians were always the bad guys in the movies. Thus, they must be interested in CIA secrets. Chad, with his unrelenting enthusiasm for their misguided adventure, agreed.
As they approached the grandiose embassy, kitted out in outlandish disguises that would be more at home in a poorly received spy movie, their nerves ran high. Here they were, gym employees, completely out of their depths, threading their way into a world of diplomatic cables and secretive whispering. They were met with suspicious looks and barely veiled amusement by the embassy staff, not least when Chad, in his most serious tone, requested to “speak with the chief of Russian spies, please.”
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our intrepid duo, their actions had not gone unnoticed. Mysterious eyes were watching, adding another piece to an already convoluted puzzle. The disc was indeed of interest, not just to them, but also to those who understood the implications of its content better than our gym-going adventurers.
Parallel to these comedic exploits, Harry, the cheating husband from chapter 3, was also unraveling, spiraling down a rabbit hole of fear and suspicion. His wife, Sandy, was growing more suspicious of his odd behavior. This tension exploded during an intense dinner confrontation, with Harry clumsily deflecting blame and Sandy feeling even more confused and paranoid.
Back in the world of espionage, Linda and Chad had somehow convinced the embassy officials to consider their proposition. The duo felt victorious, oblivious to the growing tangle of chaos around them. Not realizing that their attempt to sell the disc was setting off alarm bells in multiple intelligence quarters, they cheerfully planned their next move.
Simultaneously, the true gravity of the situation was starting to emerge. The disc’s worth was beginning to dawn upon the cloak-and-dagger community as more players entered the game, each with their agendas and schemes. The ‘price’ of the disc began to inflate dramatically, much to Linda and Chad’s naive delight. Little did they know, their hilarious adventure was about to take a darker, more dangerous turn.
The misunderstandings and back dealings multiplied, and with each one, the duo found themselves in a more complicated web of intrigue. Chad, typically the more foolhardy of the two, proposed even more outlandish plans, while Linda started having second thoughts. But the allure of a better life for herself was too tempting for her to back out now.
Chaos ensued as their attempts at being sly and cunning led to more miscommunications and a series of madcap events. Their lives, once defined by the simplicity of the gym routine, were now a confusion of paranoid glances, cryptic exchanges, and a rapidly growing list of people, both sinister and outright bizarre, interested in their disc.
As chapter 4 comes to a close, Linda and Chad, armed with their misplaced confidence and an unhealthy dose of ignorance, stood on the precipice of a world far more chaotic than they had ever anticipated. The tension had risen to a fever pitch, the giddiness of their escapade replaced with a growing sense of desperation. They stood at the edge, blissfully unaware of the plunge that awaited them in their comedy of errors.
Chapter 5: “Climbing Chaos”
Linda and Chad, our unlikely heroes, found themselves in the middle of an increasingly perplexing situation. The more they delved into the world of espionage, the more convoluted their lives became, like a tangled maze that spiraled in a thousand different directions.
Each morning, life at the gym carried on as usual. The humdrum of the treadmills, the clanking of weights, the familiar smell of sweat and disinfectant. Yet, beneath the surface – within the hearts of Linda and Chad – chaos reigned supreme, unseen by most but palpable to those involved.
In the midst of this escalating chaos, the duo executed their grand plan with hapless, determined gusto. They formulated strategies on treadmills, exchanged clandestine whispers in the locker rooms, and relayed coded messages via gym equipment. The gym was no longer a place of ordinary toil, but a battleground for their elaborate machinations.
Their attempts to contact every possible interested party led to a flurry of miscommunications. Messages left on wrong answering machines, wrong addresses visited, mistranslated conversations. Plans went awry, and the plot thickened in the most unpredictable ways.
One such incident involved a missing pair of gym shorts. The shorts in question had a hidden thumb drive in the lining, and the missing piece of apparel sent the duo into a frenzy. The ensuing scramble for the shorts was one of comic absurdity, involving every member of the gym in a wild goose chase. The incident ended in a surprisingly elegant pirouette from Chad, holding the shorts high above his head, triumphant.
Each misstep and blunder seemed to embolden Linda and Chad rather than dissuade them. They propelled their way forward with blind optimism, somehow managing to remain oblivious to the looming repercussions. They took each hurdle in stride, their mutual dreams of riches and cosmetic enhancement blinding them to reality.
Meanwhile, their personal lives took a backstage to their grand scheme. Linda’s dogs were at home, left to wonder why their meals were coming later each night. Chad’s houseplants wilted, craving a touch of attention. And yet, they carried on, the prospect of a better future propelling them forward.
As our quirky duo was racing against time and common sense, their bumbling antics created ripples. These ripples stretched outward, affecting everyone in their circles and beyond in the most unpredictable manner. The gym clientele began to involve themselves, either voluntarily or inadvertently caught in the whirlwind of events. Karla, the aerobics instructor, became their reluctant confidante. Gary, a regular gym-goer, turned into an unsuspecting courier.
While the duo was busy navigating through this web of self-inflicted complications, new players entered the game. The Russians, intrigued by the potential value of the disc. A few rogue CIA agents who caught wind of the situation. Even Harry and Sandy, still reeling from their recent encounter with Linda and Chad.
In the shadows, unseen forces began to stir. Unaware of these unseen players, Linda and Chad continued their shenanigans, becoming further entwined in their web of chaos.
As the chapter closed, tensions reached an all-time high. The gym was ablaze with rumors, secret exchanges, and clandestine operations. The shadows were stirring, and the walls seemed to close in on them. There was a storm brewing, and Linda and Chad were heading right into its eye, fueled by their dreams and aspirations, oblivious to the magnitude of the storm. The dramatic irony of their lives was reaching a fever pitch, and the rest of their world could only wait and watch as events unfolded.
Chapter 6: “Unforeseen Consequences”
If life were a joke, Linda and Chad were the punchlines – the kind that left everyone in stitches except themselves. They embodied human folly’s finest example, a comedic duo forged by desperation and buoyed by naivety. Their actions thus far had been the stuff of a farcical comedy – intended to be a straightforward sell of Osborne Cox’s memoirs, it had spiralled into a series of botched operations and chaotic turn of events.
Chad Feldheimer, with his characteristically unkempt hair and dorky glasses, was the first to feel the sting of the consequences. He was mistaken for a CIA operative by a group of Russian operatives and kidnapped. The Russians, thinking they had a valuable asset, began to interrogate Chad. His responses, however, were as perplexing to them as quantum physics would be to a toddler. The blend of Chad’s ignorance and fear painted a hilarious picture of mistaken identity mixed with high-stakes espionage, a cocktail of irony that was both rich in humor and tension.
Simultaneously, Linda Litzke, an average gym employee with a desperation for cosmetic enhancement, found herself caught in a web of her own weaving. Her pursuit of life-altering surgery led her down a path of intrigue, deception, and an unexpected love affair with Harry Pfarrer, a philandering ex-analyst. As she juggled her budding romance, the shady operations, and her startling realization of the reality she had plunged into, Linda was a quintessential image of a tragic heroine wrapped in a comic foil.
Their lives, their fates, interwoven with the threads of Osborne Cox’s memoirs, were unraveling with the intensity of a meteor heading towards earth – reckless, relentless, and unyielding. The CIA, the Russians, Harry’s wife, Sandy, Osborne Cox himself – unknowingly or knowingly, all were now part of this grand farce, this comedy of errors.
But the climax, the pinnacle of unforeseen consequences, was yet to happen. Harry, believing Chad to be his wife’s lover, confronted him. What followed was a calamitous scene straight from a comedy-drama, where mistaken identity led to an even more hilarious misunderstanding. The outcome was bittersweet, with Chad’s demise not due to a high-stakes espionage operation but a domestic dispute gone wrong. This was a perfect irony, a poignant testament to the duo’s outlandishly comical journey.
Meanwhile, Linda, oblivious to the fate of her partner-in-crime, found herself inside the Russian embassy with the notorious disc, naively attempting to negotiate her dream. The whole situation was an intricate comedy of life and its unpredictable twists, a performance that showcased human folly’s riotous celebration.
This chapter of their lives was closing with chaos, confusion, and a surprising case of mistaken identity. It was hilarious and tragic, a whirlwind of emotions, tangled desires, and poorly executed plans. The duo’s dreams, their quest for a better life, was marred by their own actions, leading to a catastrophic yet comically poetic climax.
As this tumultuous chapter drew to a close, there was a ripple effect throughout their lives. Linda and Chad emerged from their adventures, much different than the naive souls who had embarked on this journey. Their lives had irrevocably changed, and they bore the consequences of their actions, some ironic, some tragic, some downright comical. Yet, it was their story, a comedy of errors, a tale of unforeseen consequences, a testament to human folly’s hilarious manifestation.
Chapter 7: “The Aftermath”
After the cataclysmic events, Linda and Chad found themselves standing in the rubble of their lives, both literally and figuratively. The disc had been recovered by the CIA, their gym jobs were gone, and Linda’s dream of cosmetic surgery had been pulverized into dust, much like the series of disastrous events they had set in motion.
The duo sat in silence, perched on the remnants of what once were fitness machines, in the empty shell of Hardbodies gym. The air was thick with the smell of dust and desperation. The shock of the previous days’ events had given way to a surreal acceptance of their fate.
Chad, always the more carefree of the two, was the first to break the silence. “Well, that didn’t go as planned, did it?” he said, a hint of humor creeping into his voice.
Linda looked at him, aghast. “What’s so funny about our lives being ruined, Chad?” she retorted, her eyes flashing with indignation and a smidge of regret. But even amidst the overwhelming despair, she couldn’t resist a smile. It was all absurd, like an outlandish dream.
“That’s just it, Linda. It’s ridiculous! I mean, who would’ve thought we’d end up here when we found that disc?” Chad’s laughter echoed around the skeletal structure of the gym, a haunting reminder of the hilarity of their predicament.
The duo’s laughter was abruptly cut short when Sandy, Harry’s neglected wife, walked raggedly into the ruins of the gym, a bewildered expression on her face. She was clutching a hefty envelope tightly in her hand.
“I got this in the mail today,” she said, handing the envelope to a stunned Linda and Chad. “Harry’s gone, I don’t understand any of this, but it’s addressed to both of you. It seems you have a benefactor.”
Linda’s eyes widened as she counted the money. It was enough, not just for the surgery, but for a fresh start. Beside her, Chad, slack-jawed, pointed at the note attached. It read, ‘For your troubles and resilience – O.C.’ Osborne Cox, the man whose life they had unintentionally thrown into disarray, was lighting their path out of the darkness.
There was a long, uneasy silence as they took in the irony of their situation. They had sought to profit from Osborne’s memoirs, and in an unexpected twist of fate, it was he who had bailed them out of their self-made mess.
“So, Linda,” Chad started hesitantly, “what now? Still fancy that surgery?”
Linda, clutching the money, looked at him and then at herself in a cracked mirror on the wall. She saw her reflection, marred by the fissures in the mirror but unbroken in spirit. Gazing deeply into her own eyes, she realized that she no longer needed to mold herself into society’s definition of beauty. She was enough.
“No, not anymore, Chad,” she said, a tone of newfound confidence in her voice. “I think I’m just going to… live. Maybe travel a bit. You?”
Chad shrugged, his nonchalant demeanor creeping back in. “I guess, just back to the grind,” he quipped, flexing his biceps humorously, getting a chuckle from Linda.
They stood there, in the ruins of their former lives, a sense of closure slowly descending upon them. Linda and Chad were no longer the naive gym employees chasing an ill-conceived dream. They were survivors of a ridiculous plot they had unwittingly engineered and, in its aftermath, they had found a piece of themselves they hadn’t known existed.
As they moved forward, somewhat wiser but still as quirky as ever, they knew that their comedic drama was something they’d never forget. It was a story filled with unexpected twists, nearly impossible events, and, most importantly, lessons of resilience and self-love.
What started as an attempt to change their lives had indeed done so, just not in the way they had expected. They had been pushed to the brink, only to find their true selves waiting there, resilient in the face of adversity, comedic in the face of bleakness. And in that, they realized, lay the truly absurd, profoundly hilarious beauty of life. Linda and Chad, despite their many missteps, had finally stumbled upon a semblance of wisdom and peace in the aftermath of their comedic drama.
Some scenes from the movie Burn After Reading written by A.I.
Scene 1
FADE IN:
INT. HARD BODIES GYM – DAY
*We see LINDA LITZKE, late 30s, aerobics instructor, with a dream of a different life. CHAD FELDHEIMER, early 30s, personal trainer, naive but good-hearted.*
LINDA: (mopping her brow with a towel) I just can’t do it anymore, Chad, this isn’t the life I want.
CHAD: (innocently) What, you don’t want to be an aerobics instructor?
LINDA: (laughs) No, silly. I want to be…more.
*They continue talking as they clean up the gym. Suddenly, CHAD spots something – a shiny DISC lying in a lost property box. He picks it up.*
CHAD: (curious) Hey, look at this, Linda.
LINDA: (shrugs) Probably another mixtape.
*Chad inserts the DISC into a nearby computer and opens the file. They read in silence. Their eyes widen.
CHAD: (whispering in shock) This…this is classified stuff, Linda. Like, real spy stuff…
*Linda’s eyes gleam – she sees an opportunity.*
LINDA: (determined) We could sell this, Chad. We could make enough money to…
CHAD: (grinning) To get your surgery?
*Linda nods, a slow smile spreading across her face. A plan begins to form.*
FADE OUT:
TO BE CONTINUED…
*END OF SCENE 1.*
Scene 2
FADE IN:
INT. HARD BODIES GYM – NIGHT
LINDA LITZKE, 40, sturdy, on an elliptical machine, sweating and panting, next to her is CHAD FELDHEIMER, 30s, good-looking but dim, on a treadmill, glancing at the disc in his hand, smiling.
CHAD
You think this thing’s worth a lot of money?
LINDA
(squints)
It could be Chad, it’s CIA stuff. That guy Cox is a big deal.
They huddle closer, exchange conspiratorial glances.
EXT. HARD BODIES GYM – NIGHT
Linda and Chad sit in a rickety car, staking out OSBORNE COX’s house in the dark, munching on chips and soda. Linda is looking through BINOCULARS, Chad munching chips noisily.
LINDA
(whispering)
Shhh, Chad. Can’t blow our cover.
Chad rolls his eyes, grumbling, shoves another handful of chips into his mouth.
INT. HARD BODIES GYM – LOCKERS – DAY
Linda and Chad, whispering hastily, plan their next move. Chad play-acts a handshake, Linda shoots him a confused look.
CHAD
(whispering)
That’s how agents do it, Linda. It’s all in the handshake.
Linda shakes her head in disbelief.
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
A series of quick shots: Chad and Linda following a MAN who they think is a Russian spy, ducking in and out of alleyways, hiding behind lampposts, comic, exaggerated.
Chad’s hat gets blown off, he runs after it, revealing their hiding spot. The man looks at them, confused.
They both bolt in the opposite direction, embarrassed and laughing.
FADE OUT.
Scene 3
FADE IN:
INT. GLOBO GYM – DAY
Linda (35, overly energetic, slightly neurotic) and Chad (30, goofy, well-built) are chatting by the Gym’s smoothie bar. They’re surrounded by the noise of clanging weights and enthusiastic gym goers.
LINDA
(whispering)
Chad, we have to be careful. There are eyes and ears everywhere.
CHAD
(chuckles)
Linda, we’re in a gym, not a James Bond movie.
Suddenly, Harry (40, professional, fit) and Sandy (38, attractive, stern) enter. They’re arguing, their voices rising over the gym noise.
SANDY
(furious)
Harry, how could you!? How could you cheat on me?
LINDA AND CHAD
(awkwardly)
Oh…Hello, Harry, Sandy…
Harry and Sandy stop arguing and turn to Linda and Chad.
HARRY
(disgruntled)
Oh, great. Just what I need…
CHAD
(smiling awkwardly)
Rough day, eh?
Sandy storms off. Harry glares at Linda and Chad, then follows Sandy.
LINDA
(excited)
Chad, this could be our chance!
Chad looks at Linda, perplexed.
FADE OUT.
Scene 4
INT. HARD BODIES GYM – NIGHT
In the empty gym, LINDA (late 30s, gym employee with big dreams) and CHAD (mid 30s, eternally optimistic but hopelessly naive), stand huddled around a computer.
LINDA
What the hell is Russian doing on the bids list?
CHAD
(grinning)
Maybe they want to lose some weight.
Linda gives Chad a stern look.
LINDA
I’m serious, Chad. This is not about gym memberships or weight loss. This is about the disc.
Chad’s smile fades. He swallows nervously.
Suddenly, the gym DOOR SQUEAKS open. A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE enters.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
You two have something I want.
Linda and Chad exchange a terrified glance.
INT. HARD BODIES GYM – LATER
Linda and Chad sit across from the Mysterious Figure. He removes his hat to reveal a SCAR across his face.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
My name’s Dimitri. I represent…certain interested parties.
Linda and Chad gulp nervously.
DIMITRI
Just give me the disc, and you won’t get hurt.
Linda and Chad look at each other – their plan unfolding in the most unexpected way.
FADE OUT.
Scene 5
INT. GYM – NIGHT
Linda, a curvy middle-aged woman, and Chad, a muscular man with a boyish charm, are engaged in a serious conversation amidst the gym’s equipment.
LINDA:
(looking worried)
Chad, you don’t understand. These people…they’re dangerous.
CHAD:
(confident)
We can handle them, Linda!
Linda looks at Chad, her worry deepening.
CUT TO:
EXT. DARK ALLEY – NIGHT
Linda and Chad approach an ominous-looking character, their faces illuminated by the single dim light of the alley.
CHAD:
(excited)
We’ve got the disc!
Suddenly, the sound of a car screeching to a halt startles them.
CUT TO:
INT. LUXURY CAR – NIGHT
A Russian agent, dashingly handsome but with a sinister demeanor, talks on his phone.
RUSSIAN AGENT:
(intense)
The disc. I want it.
CUT BACK TO:
EXT. DARK ALLEY – NIGHT
Linda and Chad exchange a frightened glance. The ominous-looking character reaches inside his coat.
CUT TO:
INT. GYM – DAY
Linda and Chad, visibly shaken but determined, discuss their plan.
LINDA:
(trembling)
What if we’ve bitten off more than we can chew, Chad?
CHAD:
(grinning)
We can’t back out now, Linda. It’s the thrill of the ride!
FADE OUT.
Scene 6
FADE IN:
INT. FIT-QUICK GYM – DAY
CHAD, muscle-bound and naive, is on the elliptical trainer, sweating profusely, a look of deep consternation on his face. LINDA, pragmatic and ambitious, approaches him.
LINDA
Chad, any news from the Russians?
CHAD
I… I haven’t heard anything, Linda.
Suddenly, HARRY, a paranoid womanizer, enters, huffing and puffing.
HARRY
You two! You got me in this mess!
Chad and Linda exchange worried glances.
CUT TO:
EXT. EMPTY ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
Chad and Linda meet their MYSTERIOUS CONTACT. They exchange the disc. Suddenly, there’s a commotion. GUNSHOTS ring in the night. The Mysterious Contact runs off, leaving Chad and Linda stunned.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. FIT-QUICK GYM – DAY
Chad and Linda are back in the gym, their faces pale, their actions jittery. A CO-WORKER approaches.
CO-WORKER
Do you guys know a guy named Osborne Cox?
Linda and Chad exchange horrified glances. The camera ZOOMS in dramatically.
CUT TO:
INT. LINDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Linda and Chad, visibly shaken, are watching the news. A NEWS REPORTER announces Osborne Cox’s body has been found. Linda GASPS. Chad drops his protein shake, staining the carpet.
FADE OUT:
TO BE CONTINUED…
