Shoot ‘Em Up

“In a world gone mad, one man, one baby, endless bullets and a sense of humor, are all it takes to spark a chaotic revolution.”

Watch the original version of Shoot ‘Em Up


There are times in a man’s life when he witnesses or participates in events too absurd to even consider. This was one such moment for a lanky, unwashed, oddly unremarkable man named Mr. Smith, sitting in a grungy city bus station at midnight. The men’s room was a picture of squalor, with flickering neon lights and a stain-ridden floor. A pregnant woman, sweating and panting, had barged into the men’s room, clenching her swollen belly, her labor pains announcing the imminent birth of her child. Mr. Smith had been washing his hands, humming a 60’s tune off key when she appeared. The look in her eyes was not just of pain, but of terror. Close behind her, were men with guns.

Chapter 1: “The Unlikely Hero”

The frightening roar of gunfire echoed through the grimy bus station, sending echoes of panic in the air. Mr. Smith ducked, pulling the pregnant woman down with him. The woman whimpered, her fingers clutching at Smith. He gave her a reassuring nod and began to crawl towards the relative safety of a rusting metal stall.

As bullets sang overhead, he awkwardly half-dragged, half-carried the woman, his mind operating on a level of calm he found mystifying. He could hear the cries, the chaos outside the bathroom, but it was just white noise. His focus was the terrified woman and the baby that insisted on being born in a hailstorm of bullets.

Guiding her through the labor, his hands surprisingly steady, Mr. Smith was a study in absurdity. He cracked jokes, his low rumble of laughter echoing in the acoustics of the bathroom over the faint hum of the gunfight. His calm demeanor and quick wit were an odd contradiction to the dire situation, resulting in a peculiar charm that lightened the atmosphere even as death lurked just outside the door.

“Looks like your kiddo is more punctual than the 8:15 bus to Jersey,” he quipped, earning himself a weak chuckle from the woman. The gunfight outside continued, the relentless rat-a-tat-tat of automatic weapons adding a sinister metronome to the spectacle of life being created in a place of death. Mr. Smith pressed on relentlessly, wiping her brow, guiding her breathing, all while intermittently trading gunfire with the intruders.

As the woman’s screams escalated, so did the ferocity of the gunfight. The men trying to storm the bathroom were relentless, but so was Mr. Smith. Each time they attempted an entry, he’d pop up from behind the stall to send them back, his aim deadly accurate. For a man named Smith, his skills were anything but common.

Finally, the woman gave a last cry, the baby slipping into Smith’s waiting hands. Drenched in sweat, blood, and afterbirth, the newborn let out a strong wail, announcing his arrival to the world. Cradling the infant in his coat, Smith gave a lopsided smile.

“Congratulations,” he said, his voice hoarse, “It’s a boy.”

In the lull of silence that followed, he raised his gun once more, preparing for the storm that was yet to come. The baby was safe for now, but as long as they were targeting him, danger was just a heartbeat away. He readied himself, the sounds of reloading guns filling the air. The real battle, it seemed, had just begun.

Chapter 2: “A Bullet Baptism”

In the dimly lit alleyway, with the cacophony of gunshots ricocheting and the menace of death lurking, a most extraordinary event was taking place. The ground was a mosaic of spent bullet casings and discarded wrappers. Amongst this chaos, Mr. Smith, an unassuming figure in a worn-out trench coat and battered fedora, found himself delivering a child.

The woman, Donna, was sprawled on the ground, panting, writhing in pain. She was trapped in the throes of labor, her screams of agony getting swallowed by the booming gunfire. Fear and uncertainty clouded her eyes, but amidst all, there was a glimmer of hope, that hope being Mr. Smith. He looked at her with determined eyes, the eyes that held a promise, a promise to protect.

The temperature was approaching freezing, but the heat of the situation was palpable. The gunfight formed a mortifying backdrop to the miracle of birth that was happening. Each contraction was syncopated with the symphony of bullets whizzing by. The situation was surreal, something straight out of a bizarre action-comedy movie.

Mr. Smith had dodged bullets, outran gangsters and even jumped off buildings, but never had he assisted a birth, let alone in a gunfight. He was no doctor, but he was Donna’s only hope. His hands, accustomed to the cold grip of a gun, now cradled the emerging head of the newborn.

In the midst of all the pandemonium, a moment of tranquility occurred. The moment the baby’s cries echoed in the alley, overpowering the gunshots. A wave of inexplicable emotion washed over Mr. Smith. He looked down at the tiny, squirming bundle in his hands, wrapped in his coat. Newborn’s innocent cries were a melody that played harmoniously amidst the groans of conflict. It was a paradoxical event wrapped in the womb of danger and uncertainty.

But this was no time for sentimentality. The gunfire hadn’t subsided, and the alley was far from safe. The army of gunmen were still searching for them, their ruthlessness made evident by the way they remorselessly dispatched anyone who crossed their path. Their lust for blood was insatiable, their determination unyielding.

The baby, oblivious to the peril lurking around, gazed up at Mr. Smith with innocent, wide-eyed curiosity. A flash of humor sparked in his otherwise stern eyes as he muttered, “Well, kid, you sure know how to make an entrance.”

Mr. Smith rose, clutching the baby close to his chest, shielding him from the icy wind and the deadly rain of bullets. He ducked, rolled, and scrambled through the alley, a bizarre figure in a more bizarre situation, his every move a deftly executed dance of survival. His quick thinking, resilient spirit, and a refreshing dash of humor were the unlikely trifecta in this unforgiving game of survival.

As the chapter ended, the readers were left with a sense of breathless anticipation, their hearts pounding, their minds abuzz. What lay ahead for Mr. Smith and the newborn? How far would he go to ensure the baby’s safety? In the face of unflinching adversity, the thrilling quest had just begun. A quest lit with action, humor, and a baby’s innocence, a quest that promised to be an unforgettable roller coaster ride.

Chapter 3: “The Pursuit Begins”

Mr. Smith, a man of modest stature and ordinary demeanor, found himself cradling an infant in one hand and a gun in another. He had been denying his past, a past that was almost a warrant for his extinction, but now it was back, unwilling to let the newborn face the same fate. The serene and carefully crafted life that Mr. Smith had built for himself crumbled as the gunfire continued in the background.

Wrapped in Smith’s jacket, the baby boy gurgled, oblivious to the danger surrounding him. Smith smiled, his rigid face softening momentarily as he marveled at the innocent life he had just brought into the world. But the moment of peace was shattered as his enemies closed in. The gun, which was still warm from the previous discharge, gave him a level of comfort and familiarity that he did not want to acknowledge. The fun and games were over. It was time to run.

His instincts kicked in, and he made a beeline for the exit, clutching the baby tight to his chest. Bullets sprayed wildly around him, ricocheting off the cold concrete walls of the dilapidated building. He zigzagged randomly, an unpredictable moving target, all the while cradling the infant protectively. It was a hellishly comedic sight, a man in a casual brown jacket, bounding around like a video game character while holding an infant. Amidst the flying bullets and people screaming, Mr. Smith chuckled. It was a laugh born out of irony and impending doom, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

The gang, much to Smith’s chagrin, was not comprised of your everyday street thugs. They were skilled, ruthless, and organized. Smith knew that he had to be smarter to outrun them. He darted into a labyrinth of alleyways, their shadows offering the perfect cover. He blended into the shadows, using every ounce of his training to stay undetected.

Despite the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he could not help but appreciate the humor in the situation. Here he was, a man who had spent years hiding from the world, running from an army of gunmen with a baby. It was almost like a poorly written action-comedy. Again, the corner of his lips quirked upward, forming a crooked half-smile.

It was during this high-speed chase, in the labyrinth of gritty alleyways, that he stumbled upon a milk truck, idling by the roadside. The irony was too great to ignore. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he muttered, swinging the truck’s door open and placing the newborn on a passenger seat. Swiftly, he hopped into the driver’s seat, starting the truck with a hotwire. Alright, it was turning into an action-comedy after all.

The truck roared to life, and Mr. Smith floored the accelerator, tearing down the road, with a hail of bullets chasing him. He ducked as bullets whizzed past his head, puncturing cans of milk, causing a spray of white liquid which added a touch of absurdity to the otherwise grim situation.

They raced through the city on a path of destruction that was as thrilling as it was hilarious, drawing the attention of the police. Adding law enforcement to the chase party, Smith thought, cracking a dry smile. He swerved around corners and down alleys, desperately trying to shake off his pursuers. He was on the move, but he wasn’t just running away. No, he was running towards something, towards safety for the baby, towards revenge, towards redemption.

He looked at the baby who was gurgling, lying on the passenger seat, and he made a silent promise, “I will keep you safe, no matter what.” The ordinary man named Mr. Smith, surrounded by the chaos of a high-speed chase, gunshot, and the sound of police sirens, laughed loudly, the sound echoing through the labyrinth of the city streets.

Chapter 4: “The Accidental Assassin”

Mr. Smith, a newly minted guardian of the newborn, cherished no delusions about his situation. He was now a hunted man in a city that responded only to power and bullets. His foes were relentless, bloodthirsty, and infuriatingly, well-connected. Then again, life had always had a way of hurling him into the heart of chaos, and with a dash of humor, he’d managed to survive thus far.

That day was no different. Leaving the hospital with the baby tucked safely in a carrier, he felt the tension snake its way up his spine. The city teemed with grimy buildings that seemed to watch his every move, their shadowy windows offering perfect hiding places for lurking assassins. He knew they were observing him, biding their time, preparing their next assault.

Suddenly, a cat screeched, and the world erupted into pandemonium. Gunshots echoed furiously off dingy walls as panic spread like wildfire. Mr. Smith, with an uncanny calmness, bobbed, weaved, and rolled, only pausing occasionally to return fire.

Then, it happened — an accident catamaran of fate and fortune. In the middle of the shootout, he unintentionally fired a shot that ricocheted off a lamppost and hit the gang’s second-in-command, Rocco. The burly, tattooed man collapsed onto the pavement, staining it with a pool of his own blood.

In the deafening silence that followed, Mr. Smith allowed himself a smirk. “Trust me to kill the gang’s favorite pitbull. I suppose I should add ‘accidental assassin’ to my resume.” Self-deprecating humor was his defense mechanism, a tool to cope with the dark underbelly of life.

News of Rocco’s death spread like a shockwave through the city. Emotions ran high in the underworld, oscillating between rage and disbelief. Rocco was a formidable force, a man known for his brutality and loyalty to the gang. His unexpected demise wasn’t just an irreplaceable loss; it was a challenge, a slap to the face of the gang’s code of power.

As the city mourned Rocco, Mr. Smith found himself forced to be more vigilant, more creative in his evasion tactics. Every alley was sinister; every shadow, a potential threat. The city morphed into a chessboard where every move could either mean checkmate or a step closer to safety.

But even amidst the growing danger, Mr. Smith refused to let go of his humor. It was his lifeline, the one thing that kept him sane as he navigated the labyrinthine city, protecting the innocent life entrusted to him. Hiding in gloomy corners, he would coo at the baby, whispering ridiculous stories and making funny faces — a moment of light in the bleak world they inhabited.

This unintentional hit had thrust Mr. Smith into a more precarious position. He was now the gang’s number one target — the man who had slain their beloved henchman. But he was also a beacon of hope, a glimmer of resistance in a city that had for too long been held captive by the iron grip of the gang.

Thus, the day ended. The night fell, touching the city with her cool hands, transforming the blood-soaked streets into somber gray reminders of the constant battle between life and death, laughter and lament.

But amidst it all, Mr. Smith remained an accidental assassin, a reluctant hero armed with a bundle of joy, a quick wit, and an iron will to survive. His story is one of resilience, laughter, and unexpected twists, a dash of humanity in the face of inhumane odds, carrying readers along in an intense rush of adrenaline, anxiety, and hilarity from start to finish.

Chapter 5: “The Mysterious Protector”

As the dawn’s first light brushed up against the inky sky, Mr. Smith found himself cradling the newborn in his arms, a bastion in the chaos the night had woven around them. He studied the child, an emblem of innocence amidst this brutal world. A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he realized the extent of the absurdity that the universe had dropped into his lap.

Mr. Smith was not your typical protector, nor was he your average man. He had always been an outlier, the anomaly in the system. He was an enigma, his past shrouded in enigmatic layers that distorted his reflection in the mirror of reality. A man who had always strolled along the tightrope of ambiguity, Smith was now in a situation that refused his penchant for obscurity.

He had been a nameless wanderer, navigating the vast labyrinth of life without a purpose to anchor his existence. A drifter, transitioning through the transient phases of life with the stoic calm of a man who had lost everything and had nothing else to lose. He had seen the darkness that lurked behind the facades of civilization, been exposed to the searing intensity of humanity’s monstrous underbelly.

His past life had been one of violence and bloodshed, a relentless pursuit of survival in the most treacherous terrains. He had been a soldier, a mercenary who had bartered his skills to the highest bidder, until one job took it all away. He could still feel the haunting emptiness of the bullet wound, the physical and emotional scar that mirrored each other in their raw intensity. After the incident, he had turned his back on his past, striving for redemption on an endless path of atonement. He had been on the run ever since, not from his enemies, but from a past that threatened to consume him.

The lady at the dingy bar had reminded him of his sister, the only family he had ever known. Her death had been the catalyst that had spurred his descent into the abyss of his past life, and now the mother in distress had been the trigger that threw him back in. He had vowed to protect this child, a vow he intended to keep, even if it meant confronting the demons he had kept at bay for so long.

All the while, a wry laugh punctuated the narration of his thoughts. They say desperate times called for desperate measures. Smith’s brain was always one step ahead of execution, dissecting the situation with an analytical precision only survival could teach. His plan was a wild gamble, but then again, his life had been a colorful mosaic of high stakes bets. It was time to play his hand, bluffing his way through a poker game where the stakes were far from a pile of poker chips.

The comedic irony of his situation did not escape him. He was the eternal prankster, grinning in the face of the grim reaper with a charisma reserved only for the fearless. Even the darkest situations were sprinkled with his brand of humor, easing the tension and revealing the man behind the enigma. He had always believed that laughter is the best antidote to fear. And right now, fear was the one thing he could ill-afford.

Staring at the scruffy reflection in the broken mirror, Smith chided the man staring back at him. “Well, Smith, you’ve definitely bitten off more than you can chew this time,” he muttered, his voice echoing in the silence that had cloaked them. The baby cooed softly, as if in agreement. The tension eased, and he allowed himself a smile. In humor, in wit, in chaos, he found his reason, his purpose, his redemption.

Surrounded by an army of gunmen, with a newborn in his arms, Mr. Smith prepared to do what he did best – survive. And maybe, just maybe, he would find more than survival. But one thing was certain, there was never a dull moment with Mr. Smith in charge.

Chapter 6: “The Conspiracy Unfolded”

A grimy bar filled with the stale smell of beer set the stage for the unfolding mystery. Mr. Smith was an unlikely hero pulling at threads of a conspiracy that went far beyond a desperate chase for survival. His wit was always on standby, even in the grimmest of situations, lighting up the room with unexpected humor that disarmed, amused, and sometimes infuriated others.

He’d managed to navigate his way through the labyrinthine underbelly of the city, the newborn nestled against him under a worn leather jacket. He’d taken a quiet back seat at the bar, ordering a whiskey that he had no intention of sipping. All the pieces were slowly falling into place.

An old photograph, a cryptic letter, a menacing gang, and a baby who had come into the world amidst a hail of bullets – this was a puzzle waiting to be solved.

A whisper here, a snippet of conversation there, and a lot of intuition helped him piece together the horrifying reality. These weren’t ordinary gangsters after the baby, as he’d initially thought. They were pawns in a much larger game, led by a puppet master whose appetites were monstrous and whose reach was far and wide, threading into places of power where one would least expect.

The revelation was as astonishing as it was terrifying. The baby was an heir to a powerful empire, the last link in a lineage that the puppet master was desperately trying to erase. The nightmare was far from over; it was only just beginning. His heart thundered in his chest at the gravity of their situation. Yet, in the face of such formidable truths, the pull of humor was still strong. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of it all. A tragic birth story that would undoubtedly give any stand-up comic a run for his money.

The baby, oblivious to the danger, cooed and gurgled! It was surreal, a terrifying situation laced with moments of innocence and laughter. Mr. Smith found himself increasingly invested in the safe future of this child, the unwitting heir of a powerful empire whom destiny had thrust into his care.

As the night grew darker, so did the shadows that stretched across the city. He knew his enemies were closing in. The tension was palpable, the anticipated clash was charging the air with an electric sense of foreboding.

Yet he was not without a plan. His mind raced, his thoughts tripping over each other. Could he outwit his opponents? Would he be able to protect the innocent life he was beginning to care for, way beyond his initial benevolence? His resourcefulness would be put to a test like never before. Danger lurked in every corner, and every moment was a race against time.

But even in these moments of dreadful anticipation and burgeoning horror, he held onto his humor. He laughed, he joked, he sarcastically shut down his fear. Not because he was ignorant of the danger, but because he knew that sometimes, laughter was the only weapon against the darkness.

The bar’s clinking bottles, the murmur of drunken conversations, the flickering neon lights – they all seemed distant, separate from the storm that was brewing within him. But he was ready, or at least, he thought he was.

“You know, kid,” he whispered to the newborn, “They say you should never mix business with pleasure. But if this isn’t a bizarre cocktail, I don’t know what is.”

As the conspiracy unfolded, Mr. Smith fortified his spirit and braced himself for what lay ahead. Only time would reveal if this makeshift knight would overcome the demons or if the joke, in the end, was on him.

Chapter 7: “Plan B”

Mr. Smith sat tensely in the dim-lit room, nursing a cup of coffee that had long since gone cold. The baby, now christened Oliver by him, was asleep in the makeshift crib. His mind was a battlefield, ricocheting between the past flashbacks riddled with comedy and the present predicament filled with danger. What he needed was a plan, a Plan B.

He had been in plenty of tight spots in his past – some hilarious, some dangerous, but none quite like this. A baby, a gang, a conspiracy that was so convoluted it would make Hitchcock himself spin. Smith didn’t particularly relish the idea of playing the hero. He was more of a ‘shoot first and run faster’ kind of guy. But looking at Oliver, he had no other choice.

He rummaged in his bag, almost cursing when a pacifier hit his hand. Who even knew babies had so much paraphernalia? Kids, he mused, were more complicated than diffusing a time-bomb, and he should know, he’d done both.

He pulled out a dog-eared map of the city. The places where the gang might strike were circled. Smith’s brow furrowed as he pieced together a strategy. It was the quiet before the storm, and Smith was well familiar with those. He cracked his knuckles, took a deep breath, and started to plan out his offensive.

The safe house was a defensible position, but not impregnable. It had a safe room, good lines of sight, and enough munitions to start a small war. With a smirk, Smith found himself wishing he had brought more diapers. A firefight with a baby in tow was going to get messy.

His mind rolled over the various scenarios, each ending with a dead end. But he figured, if there’s a will, there’s a way. He knew he had to outthink them, use their greed and arrogance against them. Their leader, a hulking brute named Viper, was known for his temper. Bait him, push him into rushing, make him make mistakes. For the first time, Smith grinned. He had his plan.

The bait would be Smith himself. He would draw Viper and his cronies into a firefight, all the while Oliver would be safely tucked away. There was a risk, of course. But, as he had learned the hard way, life itself was a risk.

Smith spent the rest of the night perfecting his plan, considering every possible outcome. Even the most ridiculous ones. Like, what if Viper was allergic to baby milk or Oliver developed a sudden love for his pacifier gun? He chuckled at his own joke, shaking his head. Even in grave situations, the comedy of life always found its way.

As dawn broke, Smith looked at the sleeping baby. There was an odd sense of calm, a quiet resolve. He didn’t ask for this, didn’t want this. He was just a man who found himself at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe, just maybe, this was exactly where he was supposed to be.

Smith stashed the map away, checked his weapons, and looked at Oliver one last time. With a lopsided grin, he muttered to himself, “Hang tight, kid. Daddy’s got work to do.”

Chapter 7 ended with an intriguing blend of action, thrill, comedy, and drama, with Smith’s humorous nature providing a comedic relief amidst the tension. The reader is pulled into an atmosphere of anticipation, waiting for the forthcoming showdown while being entertained by Smith’s wry humor and unorthodox approach to problem-solving. The mix of action, strategy, comedy, and warmth paints a captivating picture, ensuring the reader is engaged and eager for the following chapters.

Chapter 8: “Showdown at the Safe House”

Mr. Smith, fixed in his seat, stared at the door, knowing it would soon crumble under the torrent of bullets. Sweat trickled down his forehead as he cradled the infant in one arm and held a pistol in the other. The baby, blissfully ignorant of the impending chaos, gurgled and giggled.

He glanced around the room – a faded wallpaper, a couch stitched with duct tape, and a precariously leaning floor lamp – his safe house was far from being safe. But it had a strategic advantage that Mr. Smith was ready to exploit. He had his plan, but for it to work, he needed perfect timing and a little bit of luck.

A knock on the door sent a jolt through him. “Room service,” a deep voice called from outside. “Right,” Mr. Smith muttered, “and I’m the tooth fairy.” The door blasted open, raining splinters everywhere. A slew of henchmen stormed in. Mr. Smith’s laser-sharp focus was trained on them as though they were mere figures in a video game. He opened fire, dropping two of them before they could react.

His first shot was followed by a hail of bullets from the henchmen. Mr. Smith, with a baby in his arms, dashed through the volley of bullets, all the while keeping a protective arm around the infant. He laughed, his exhilaration echoing through the room. “This is better than my morning coffee!”

The adrenaline surged through his veins as he dodged bullets and retaliated with an uncanny accuracy. He repurposed every piece of furniture, every household item into a weapon. The lamp became a club, the duct-taped couch – a shield, even the shards of the shattered door became deadly projectiles.

He turned the odds in his favor using his cunningness and the henchmen’s incompetence. He slipped on a banana peel, dodging a bullet which then hit one of the henchmen. The room echoed with his boisterous laughter amidst the gunfire.

A moment of respite came when he had to reload his bullets. He dashed to the kitchen, shielding the baby, while using a frying pan to deflect the bullets. He tossed a toaster into a microwave, setting it to explode. He grinned, “Guess we’re having toast for dinner”.

As the microwave exploded, it created a temporary smokescreen. Using this diversion, Mr. Smith took down a couple more henchmen, their surprised expressions almost comedic. The explosion shook the building, causing a precariously placed bookshelf to topple on the remaining henchmen.

When the dust settled, the room was quiet. Mr. Smith peered through the smoke – bodies strewn about, the once familiar space looked like a battlefield. He sighed, looked down at the baby nestled safely in his arms, and smiled. “Well kid,” he cooed, “that was fun. Now, let’s get out of here before the real cleaning crew arrives.” The baby cooed back, the only response Mr. Smith needed.

The scene was a perfect blend of action, suspense, and comedy. As Mr. Smith made his way out with the baby, the henchmen trying to wriggle out from under the bookshelf gave the readers the much-needed comic relief. His clever tactics, mixed with his impeccable aim and quick-witted humor, kept the readers on the edge of their seats, leaving them eager for more.

Chapter 9: “The Final Takedown”

The air was stale and silent, the looming warehouse ominous in the hushed night. Mr. Smith stood outside, his weather-beaten coat billowing in the cold wind as he glanced at the innocent child nestled securely into his chest. A wave of grim determination washed over him. He was a lone soldier in this war, fighting an army with nothing more than wit, skill, and an undercurrent of biting humor which oddly enough, was his most potent weapon.

He stepped forward, his combat boots crunching over the gravel. The sounds bounced off the cold, steel exteriors of the gang’s fortress. His approach was stealthy yet defiant, the quiet before the storm of action about to unleash. He had a score to settle, and the bill was due tonight.

Inside the warehouse, the ever-present glow from the furnaces sent dancing shadows onto the concrete walls, a ballet of darkness that foreshadowed the impending showdown. The gang leader, a burly man with cold, calculating eyes, paced restlessly, awaiting the arrival of the man who had disrupted his malevolent operations.

Mr. Smith entered, his steps echoing through the cavernous space. He was heavily outnumbered, but his dry smile didn’t waver. “You know,” he said, a twinkle in his eye, “Diapers and your gang have one thing in common: they both need constant changing, and for the same reason.” The warehouse reverberated with his humor, an unpredicted respite amid the tension.

The leader of the gang glared, unamused. Smith’s audacity was a slap in face, but it only made him more resolute. This was a battle of wills now. He ordered his cronies to attack. The henchmen lunged forward, weapons drawn, the slow-motion rush inflating the room’s suspense.

Mr. Smith moved with catlike agility, his movements a blur as he ducked and weaved, his sense of humor shining even through the chaos. Between dodging bullets and knife thrusts, he retorted, “I’m guessing your guns are like your men: quick to shoot and useless afterwards.”

The fight was a dance of violence and wit. Smith was the unlikely performer, keeping the readers’ pulse racing with the excitement of the combat and their laughter ringing with his snappy one-liners. The baby, oblivious to the danger, cooed from his secure spot, adding an element of absurdity to the high-tension scenario.

With a swift motion, Smith overpowered the gang leader, pinning him to the ground. The man stared up at him, fear flickering in his eyes. It was the end of the line for him.

“Had enough?” Smith asked, chuckling lightly, “Or do you think you can keep up with this old man a bit longer?” His victorious laugh echoed around the silent warehouse, marking the end of the on-edge suspense, but also the beginning of an era of laughter-filled peace.

As the dust settled and the echoes of laughter and gunshots faded, Mr. Smith looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms, untouched by the carnage around. He had done it. He had delivered the child from danger, humor intact. He walked away from the destroyed fortress, leaving behind a tale of action, wit, and an underdog victory that would engross readers for years to come.

Chapter 10: “A Silent Goodbye”

The safe house had turned into a war zone, littered with the wreckage of the last battle. Tatters of wallpaper clung to the bullet-ridden walls, reluctantly holding onto the memories of a peaceful past. Among the ruins, Mr. Smith stood, a baby cradled protectively in his arms.

For a man who’d been through a night of harrowing circumstances, his face was eerily calm, as if he’d just walked out of a quaint café rather than a deadly shootout. The baby in his arms cooed softly, oblivious to the turmoil around him.

Mr. Smith had ensured the gang’s downfall, their labyrinth of crime and corruption collapsing like a house of cards. Now, only one task remained. He glanced down at the innocent face peeking out from the folds of his jacket. It was time to secure the baby’s future.

He reached the local orphanage after a careful, meandering journey through the city. The high iron gates creaked open to reveal a large, Victorian-style mansion. A sense of tranquility enveloped the place, untouched by the darkness of the world outside.

A kindly nun, her face lined with years of compassionate service, welcomed him in. She gasped at the sight of the baby. “Oh dear Lord!” she exclaimed. “A child at this hour?”

Mr. Smith offered a tight-lipped smile, “He’s had a rough night.”

And so, he handed the baby over to the nun, his heart twisting in his chest. He found himself hesitant, a first for him. But he knew that this was the right decision. He couldn’t provide the child the normalcy he deserved, not with his lifestyle.

As he stepped out into the crisp morning air, he felt an odd emptiness. His coat felt lighter without the baby. He could still feel the faint warmth the child had left behind. Lost in thought, he didn’t notice the black car parked across the street until it purred to life.

His instincts kicked in immediately. He’d never been one to ignore a possible danger. Shaking off his melancholy, he slipped into the shadowy alley next, eyes trained on the car.

From the backseat, a figure emerged, features shrouded in mystery. Mr. Smith tensed, preparing for another battle. But then, to his surprise, the figure waved a white handkerchief, a universal sign of truce.

His instincts telling him it was safe, he stepped out of the shadows. The figure was a woman, her long blonde hair glinting under the lamplight. She held the white handkerchief high, her eyes meeting his.

“Mr. Smith,” she spoke, her voice echoing in the still street. “We come in peace.”

He raised an eyebrow, his hand still itching for the gun he’d left at the safe house. “And why should I believe that?”

“Because we have the same goal,” she admitted. “To keep the boy safe.”

He scrutinized her carefully. She had a sincerity in her eyes that was hard to fake. But he needed more than just her word. “And who, may I ask, are ‘we’?”

A slow smile crept onto her lips as she joined him on the sidewalk. “I think you and I have a lot to discuss, Mr. Smith,” she declared, extending her hand towards him.

Reluctant but intrigued, he shook her hand, setting off on a new adventure. His silent goodbye wasn’t as silent as he’d hoped. But if it meant the baby was truly safe, then Mr. Smith was ready for whatever came next. An unlikely hero, he disappeared into the dawn, his story far from over.

Some scenes from the movie Shoot ‘Em Up written by A.I.

Scene 1



A pregnant woman, MARIA (mid 30s), is cornered by a THUG. She looks terrified. Cut to a MAN sitting at a bus stop across the street, MR. SMITH (mid 40s), gruff and strong, reading a newspaper.

MR. SMITH hears a scuffle, looks up, sees MARIA. He sighs, puts his newspaper down, stands and walks towards the ALLEY.




(looking at the THUG)

Listen, pal. There are two things in the world I can’t stand: those who can’t respect women, and decaf coffee.

The THUG charges at MR. SMITH. A fight ensues. MR. SMITH, despite his age, handles it with impressive agility and skill. Maria enters labor pains.


(I am in pain)

It is time!

Mr. Smith blinks, surprised but undeterred.




(to the THUG, while delivering the baby)

You know, I never thought I’d deliver a baby while knocking someone out.

MR. SMITH lands a punch on the THUG’S jaw. He falls unconscious. The baby CRIES. The sound of sirens in the distance. MR. SMITH looks at the newborn, an odd, gentle smile on his face.


Scene 2



A pregnant woman, DONNA, is screaming in pain, backed against the graffiti-filled wall.

A shadowy figure, MR. SMITH, approaches, cool and collected. Bullets are whizzing past but he remains eerily calm.


(under his breath)

Couldn’t have picked a worse time.

He kneels beside Donna, revealing a wry smile. His hands move with assured precision.



Who the hell are you?!



Your friendly neighborhood obstetrician.

Suddenly, A GANG MEMBER approaches, gun aimed. Smith picks a discarded metal pipe and THROWS it, hitting the Gang Member’s head. He collapses.


Smith stands. He takes off his coat and wraps it around the baby.


(to the newborn)

Welcome to the world, kiddo.

Suddenly, MORE GANG MEMBERS charge towards them. Smith, with the baby in his arms, manages to dodge their bullets. He fights back with one hand, his movements hilariously awkward yet effective in the chaos.


Scene 3


There’s a grimy loft. MR. SMITH, a rugged man with a baby in his arms, is planning his escape.



Hang on, kid…

He tiptoes towards the window, peeking outside where we see a GROUP OF GUNMEN assembling. They are led by a tattooed brute, SCARFACE.


Scarface paces and checks his watch impatiently.



Find them… I won’t let a nobody make a fool out of us.


Smith, hearing this, smirks. He performs an impromptu puppet show with his fingers for the baby.



“Find them,” he says. As if he could catch a cold without someone sneezing on him.

Suddenly, he catches a glint of metal below. There’s an UNDERGROUND PIPELINE – a potential escape route. He grimaces.


(to the baby)

Hope you packed your swim diapers.

He tightly wraps the baby in a waterproof jacket, kisses him, and takes a deep breath.


Suddenly, the sound of GUNFIRE. Scarface and his goons whirl around, guns drawn.



There! Shoot!

The bullets pelt the factory walls. We see Smith tearing out of the factory, a tiny bundle clutched to his heart.


The baby wails, but the sound is muffled. Smith stumbles, regains his footing, and flounders on.



A man, a plan, a baby… Panama? No, Pittsburgh!

His laughter echoes eerily in the pipeline. The chase continues.

Scene 4


A rundown room filled with shadows. Mr. SMITH, a man of few words with a newborn baby in his arms, is nervously looking out the peephole. He turns to the baby.


Well kid, looks like we’re in a bit of a pickle here.

Suddenly, a DOOR BATTERING SOUND. Smith tenses. GANG MEMBER #1 breaks in. He looks menacing. Smith hurriedly places the baby under the bed.


Where’s the baby?


What baby?

Gang Member #1 glances around the room. Suddenly, he sees a BABY BOTTLE lying on the floor. Smith swiftly pulls out a gun hidden in the baby carrier, shoots and kills Gang Member #1.


Oops… wrong answer.

He checks the baby under the bed. It’s crying.



Son, you’re gonna have to learn to keep quiet in times like these.

Smith picks up the baby and leaves the room, stepping over Gang Member #1’s body.



It appears I’m quite the natural-born killer.


Scene 5


A dimly lit room filled with maps, photos, and any type of makeshift weapons. A crib is in the corner beside a pile of diapers. Smith, a rugged man in his forties with a 5 o’clock shadow, is cleaning a handgun, while a baby coos in the crib.


(looking at the baby)

“You know kid, once upon a time, I was just like everyone else.”



Young Smith, in his uniform, showing exceptional skills in shooting and combat.


“Always been good at two things. Making jokes and kicking ass. The latter got me to special ops.”


Young Smith cracking a joke, his team laughs uproariously.


“But it was the humor that helped me survive.”



Smith, once again looking at the baby, a sad smile on his face.


“So, here we are, world’s most dangerous babysitter.”

Suddenly, the SOUND of a car pulling up outside. Smith quickly moves to the window, peeping through the blinds. The smile is now gone, replaced with a stern determination.


“Well, kid, showtime.”


Author: AI