In this hilarious and heartwarming crime caper, sometimes the best things in life come from unexpected places.
H.I. McDunnough sat slumped over the steering wheel of his car, sweat dripping down his forehead as he took a deep breath. He glanced over at his wife, Edwina, who sat nervously in the passenger seat.
This was it, the moment they had been planning for months. The plan was to steal one of the quintuplets from the wealthy Arizona family and raise it as their own. The couple thought it would be a victimless crime; the family had more than enough children, and they had none.
But H.I. was beginning to feel uneasy. What if they got caught? What if they hurt the baby in the process? He shook his head, trying to push the doubts aside. This was their chance to start a family, to make a better life for themselves. They couldn’t back out now.
With a deep breath, H.I. put the car in gear and drove towards the Arizona home, ready to execute their plan.
Chapter 1: The Heist
As they pulled up to the Arizona home, H.I. and Edwina took a few deep breaths before springing into action. They had planned this out meticulously, but they knew things could still go wrong.
H.I. climbed out of the car and made his way over to the house while Edwina stayed behind, keeping a watchful eye. He crept around the side of the house and found himself at the back door, where he quickly picked the lock. With a smile of satisfaction, he slipped inside the house.
The plan was to enter the nursery, find the weakest of the quintuplets, and sneak out. Simple, right? Everything was going according to plan until he found himself face to face with five identical babies. H.I.’s heart sank. How were they supposed to choose just one?
He looked around the room, trying to decide which baby looked the weakest, when he saw a stuffed animal in one of the cribs. It was a little sock monkey, and it had a little tag tied around its neck with a name: Nathan Jr.
H.I. knew then that this was the baby they were meant to take. He scooped up Nathan Jr. and cradled him in his arms. The floorboards creaked under his weight as he made his way back out of the nursery and towards the door.
Suddenly, a voice called out from behind him, “What are you doing with my baby?” H.I. spun around to see a woman, the quintuplets’ mother, standing in the doorway.
H.I. froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. He tried to think on his feet, but before he could come up with a plan, the woman screamed, alerting the rest of the house.
Edwina heard the commotion and knew they had to get out of there fast. She started the car and waited impatiently for H.I. while the police sirens drew nearer.
H.I. burst out of the house, baby in arms, and sprinted towards the car. He threw open the door and jumped in, slamming it shut behind him. Edwina floored the gas pedal, and they sped off into the night, sirens blaring behind them.
They had done it. They had stolen a baby. And in that moment, they felt like they had the whole world in their hands. But little did they know, their lives were about to become a lot more complicated than they ever could have imagined.
Chapter 2: The Heist
H.I. and Ed breathed a sigh of relief as they drove away from the wealthy family’s house with one of their precious quintuplets in tow. But as they soon discovered, their plan to steal a baby was not as foolproof as they thought.
The baby, a sickly little thing, needed constant care and attention. Diapers, formula, and late-night feedings became the norm for the couple, who had never even raised a houseplant before, let alone a human being.
As the days went by, H.I. and Ed’s nerves were frayed, and their exhaustion was at an all-time high. They began to bicker and argue over the most trivial things, and tensions were running high.
Meanwhile, the birth parents were frantic. Their baby had been kidnapped, and they were doing everything in their power to find their child. The police were also hot on the trail of the kidnappers, and H.I. and Ed knew they had to be careful if they wanted to keep the baby.
Their first close call came when they were stopped by a police officer at a routine traffic stop. H.I. tried to play it cool, but his nerves got the best of him, and he ended up blurting out that they had a baby in the car. The officer became suspicious, and H.I. and Ed were forced to make a run for it.
The chase scene that followed was straight out of a Keystone Cops movie. H.I. drove like a madman, swerving through traffic and narrowly avoiding collisions with other cars. Ed clung to the baby, trying to keep it calm and safe amidst the chaos.
The chase ended with a spectacular crash, as H.I. drove the car off a bridge and into a river. Miraculously, they all survived, but now they were wet, cold, and stranded, with the police closing in.
As they trudged through the woods, looking for shelter, they stumbled upon a convenience store. Desperate for help, they decided to break in and steal some supplies.
But things quickly took a turn for the worse when they found themselves face to face with the store owner, a grizzled old man with a shotgun. H.I. tried to reason with him, but the man was having none of it.
Just as things were about to turn violent, an unexpected ally appeared in the form of Gale and Evelle, H.I.’s former prison buddies. The two hapless criminals had just escaped from prison and needed a place to crash. They offered to help with the baby, but their incompetence only added to the chaos.
Together, the mismatched group made their escape, with Gale and Evelle kidnapping the store owner’s dog for good measure. They drove off into the night, with the police hot on their trail once again.
As they finally reached a safe place to rest, H.I. and Ed realized that their plan to steal a baby had backfired in ways they could never have imagined. They had a sickly infant on their hands, a police force hunting them down, and a pair of bumbling criminals to deal with.
Little did they know that their troubles were only beginning, and that the next few days would be filled with even more chaos, danger, and unexpected surprises.
Chapter 3: The Baby Blues
H.I. and Ed had always talked about having children, but their dreams remained unfulfilled. When they decided to take matters into their own hands and steal one of the quintuplets, they had no idea the chaos that would ensue.
The baby, Nathan Jr., was sickly and needed constant care, leaving H.I. and Ed exhausted and stressed. They tried their best to keep the baby healthy, but it was a full-time job that left them little time for anything else.
Ed longed for the simple life that motherhood could bring, but the reality was far from what she had imagined. She struggled with the physical and emotional toll of caring for a sick baby, while H.I. had trouble adjusting to his new role as a father.
To make matters worse, the birth parents were desperate to get their baby back, and the police were closing in on the kidnappers. H.I. and Ed constantly looked over their shoulders, never sure when they might be caught.
As their stress levels rose, so did the tension in their relationship. They began to argue more frequently, with H.I. blaming Ed for their predicament and Ed resenting H.I. for getting them into this mess.
One night, as they sat in their cramped trailer, H.I. reached his breaking point.
“I can’t take this anymore,” he said, throwing his hands up in frustration.
“What do you mean?” Ed asked, tears welling up in her eyes.
“I mean, I love the kid and all, but this isn’t what I signed up for. I’m not cut out for this fatherhood thing.”
Ed felt a pang in her chest. She had always known that H.I. was impulsive and lacked direction, but she had hoped that he would rise to the challenge of being a father.
“You can’t just give up,” she said, her voice shaking with emotion. “We can figure this out together.”
H.I. shook his head. “I don’t know, Ed. I just don’t know.”
They fell into a tense silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
H.I. jumped up, heart racing. “Who is it?” he called out.
“It’s me, Leonard Smalls,” a gravelly voice replied.
H.I. and Ed exchanged terrified glances. Leonard Smalls was the bounty hunter hired by the birth parents to track down Nathan Jr. He was notorious for his violent methods and ruthless tactics.
“What does he want?” Ed whispered.
H.I. shrugged, nervously pacing back and forth. He didn’t have an answer.
As the knocking grew louder, H.I. made a split-second decision. He grabbed a nearby handgun and crept towards the door.
“Stay back,” he whispered to Ed, his eyes wide with fear.
He opened the door a crack and peered out. To his surprise, Leonard Smalls was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a small package lay at his feet, wrapped in brown paper and tied with string.
H.I. cautiously picked it up and brought it inside. He tore off the paper to reveal a note and a small bottle of pills.
“Give the baby these pills,” the note read. “It will make him feel better.”
H.I. and Ed exchanged confused glances. Was this a trap or a genuine act of kindness?
Despite their apprehension, they decided to give the pills to Nathan Jr. To their relief, the baby soon seemed to be feeling better. They couldn’t help but wonder who had sent the pills, but they never found out.
As the days passed, H.I. and Ed began to settle into their new life as parents. They still faced challenges and dangers, but they were determined to make it work. And, despite their differences, they knew that they loved each other and their little family.
The baby blues were starting to fade, replaced by a newfound sense of purpose and love. But little did they know, their troubles were far from over.
Chapter 4: A Helping Hand
H.I.’s former prison buddies, Gale and Evelle, show up at the McDunnough home, seeking refuge after escaping from their latest stint in prison. The couple reluctantly lets them in, and Gale and Evelle quickly make themselves at home.
Gale, the more talkative of the two, regales H.I. with stories about their prison escapades, while Evelle, who is prone to bouts of paranoia and delusion, stares off into space, muttering to himself.
H.I. and Edwina are at their wits’ end trying to take care of the new baby, and they reluctantly accept Gale and Evelle’s offer to help. However, their efforts at taking care of the baby only lead to more chaos.
Gale, who fancies himself a handyman, tries to fix a leaky faucet in the bathroom but ends up flooding the entire house. Evelle, meanwhile, takes the baby out for a walk in the park, but ends up accidentally leaving him on a bench and forgetting where he left him.
H.I. is beside himself with worry as he searches the park for the missing baby. He finally finds the baby, safe and sound, in the arms of an old woman who had taken pity on the abandoned child.
The situation with Gale and Evelle only gets worse when they decide to rob a convenience store for some cash. H.I. tries to talk them out of it, but they convince him to come along for the ride.
The robbery does not go as planned, with Gale accidentally grabbing a crate of hand grenades instead of cash. Evelle, in a paranoid fit, accidentally detonates one of the grenades, causing a chain reaction that leads to the store’s destruction.
H.I., Gale, and Evelle flee the scene, with the police hot on their heels. They end up crashing their car into a ravine, and the trio is injured and stranded.
As they wait for help to arrive, H.I. has a moment of clarity and realizes that he needs to turn his life around for the sake of his new child. He says goodbye to Gale and Evelle, who are apprehended by the police, and sets off on a new path with Edwina and the baby.
The chapter ends with H.I. and Edwina driving off into the sunset, looking towards a brighter future.
Chapter 5: A Close Call
H.I. sat nervously in the back of the prison transport van, his heart pounding in his chest. He had been caught by the police and sent back to prison, leaving Ed and their kidnapped baby on their own. As the van drove along the winding road, H.I. could only think of the mess he had created and the danger his family was in.
Suddenly, the sound of tires screeching and metal crashing against metal filled the air. The van jolted to a stop, throwing H.I. and the other inmates forward. Chaos erupted as the guards tried to regain control of the situation.
H.I. looked out the window to see what had happened and was shocked to see a truck lying on its side, smoke billowing from the engine. He watched as two men crawled out of the wreckage and sprinted towards the van.
As they got closer, H.I. recognized them as Gale and Evelle, his former prison buddies who had just escaped. Relief washed over him as he realized they had come to help him and his family.
Gale and Evelle jumped onto the back of the van, quickly cutting through the bars with a pair of wire cutters. H.I. scrambled out of the van, feeling like he had been given a second chance. He hugged his friends tightly, grateful for their help.
But their joy was short-lived as they realized they still had to outrun the police and return the baby to her rightful parents. H.I. feared for Ed and the baby’s safety as they raced through the streets in a stolen car.
As they weaved through traffic, H.I. could see the police closing in behind them. He yelled at Gale and Evelle to drive faster, but they were too reckless and ended up crashing the car.
H.I. slammed into the dashboard, his head spinning. He looked over to see that Gale and Evelle had escaped, leaving him to face the police alone. He knew he had to get back to Ed and the baby before it was too late.
H.I. stumbled out of the wreckage, limping towards the nearest payphone. He dialed Ed’s number, praying she would answer. After what felt like an eternity, she finally picked up.
“H.I.! Where are you? Are you okay?” Ed’s voice was panicked.
“I’m fine, but the police caught me. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.” H.I. could barely choke out the words.
“Oh god, H.I. What are we going to do?” Ed’s voice broke.
“I don’t know, but you have to stay strong for the baby. You’ll figure it out, I know you will.” H.I. tried to sound reassuring, but he knew the truth. He had created a mess that would take a miracle to fix.
As H.I. hung up the phone, he felt a pang of guilt wash over him. He had put Ed and the baby in danger, and now he was leaving them to face the consequences alone. He knew he had to get back to them, but the thought of going back to prison terrified him.
As H.I. limped away from the payphone, he heard sirens in the distance. He knew he didn’t have much time. He had to find a way to outrun the police and get back to his family before it was too late.
The chapter ends with suspense, as H.I. is left to fend for himself and Ed and the baby are left in a dangerous situation without him. The reader is left wondering what will happen next and whether H.I. will be able to reunite with his family.
Chapter 6: Splitting Up
H.I. and Ed had been through a lot since they kidnapped one of a wealthy family’s quintuplets. They had the baby, but it was sickly and needed constant care. Meanwhile, the birth parents and the police were hot on their tails.
The stress of their situation began to take a toll on their marriage. H.I.’s criminal past and Ed’s longing for motherhood collided, and they decided to split up.
H.I. went to stay with his former prison buddies, Gale and Evelle, who had just escaped and needed a place to crash. They offered to help with the baby, but their incompetence only added to the chaos.
Meanwhile, Ed took the baby and went to live with her friend Dot, who insisted on helping her out. Dot was a kind, nurturing woman who had been through her own struggles with infertility. She doted on the baby and provided a sense of stability for Ed.
But H.I. couldn’t stand to be away from his wife and child for long. He missed them terribly and longed to be a family again. He reached out to Ed and they tentatively agreed to meet up.
They chose a seedy motel on the outskirts of town to discuss their situation. H.I. arrived first and nervously checked in. He paced the room, rehearsing what he wanted to say to Ed.
When she arrived, he took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. But the tension in the room was palpable. They sat on opposite sides of the bed, their eyes fixed on the floor.
“I miss you,” H.I. said finally. “And I miss the baby. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this life, but I know I can’t do it without you.”
Ed’s eyes filled with tears. “I miss you too,” she said. “But I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were. We can’t keep running forever.”
They talked late into the night, hashing out their feelings and concerns. They both wanted the best for the baby, but they didn’t know what that looked like. Eventually, they fell asleep, exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster.
The next morning, they woke up to a knock at the door. It was Gale and Evelle, looking disheveled and excited.
“We got a plan,” Gale said, grinning. “We gonna rob a convenience store down the road. We’ll split the money four ways and be living like kings.”
H.I. and Ed exchanged a look. They didn’t want to get involved in any more trouble, but they didn’t want to disappoint their friends either.
They reluctantly agreed to help with the heist. They piled into Gale’s car and drove to the store, their hearts pounding with a mix of excitement and fear.
Once they arrived, Gale and Evelle went inside and held up the clerks while H.I. and Ed waited in the car with the baby. Time seemed to slow down as they waited for their friends to return.
Suddenly, they heard an explosion from inside the store. Screams filled the air and chaos erupted. H.I. and Ed looked at each other, their eyes wide with terror.
They didn’t know what had happened, but they knew they had to get out of there. They frantically drove away from the scene, their minds reeling with fear and confusion.
As they pulled into the motel parking lot, they saw police cars swarming the area. They knew they were in trouble.
H.I. and Ed quickly gathered their things and prepared to make a run for it. But as they were leaving, they saw a familiar figure standing in the doorway.
It was Dot, holding the baby. She had followed them to the motel and wanted to make sure they were safe.
“I can’t let you go,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “I’ve grown attached to this baby, and I can’t bear the thought of him being taken away from you.”
H.I. and Ed looked at each other, unsure of what to do. They wanted to keep the baby, but they didn’t want to put anyone else in danger.
Suddenly, they heard a police siren in the distance. They knew they had to make a decision, and fast.
In a split-second decision, H.I. grabbed the baby and they all piled into Gale’s car. They drove off into the distance, leaving their old lives behind.
As they drove, H.I. and Ed held the baby close, their hearts full of love and gratitude. They didn’t know what the future held, but they knew they were together, and that was all that mattered.
Chapter 7: Redemption
H.I. and Edwina had finally come to terms with their situation. They had stolen a baby and were now living on the run. However, they could no longer ignore the fact that they had done something wrong. They knew that they needed to return the baby, but they didn’t know how.
One day, as they were driving through the countryside, they stumbled upon a dilapidated farmhouse. The house was vacant, and they decided to stay there for a while. It was there that they hatched a plan to return the baby.
They knew that they couldn’t just show up at the doorstep of the wealthy family and hand over the baby. They needed to come up with a way to do it without getting caught. H.I. suggested that they leave the baby at the doorstep with a note explaining everything. Edwina was hesitant, but H.I. was insistent. They wrote the note, put the baby in a basket, and left it on the doorstep.
As they walked away, they felt a sense of relief. They had done the right thing, but they also knew that they had to face the consequences of their actions. They had hoped that the wealthy family would understand and forgive them, but they knew that it was unlikely.
The next day, they received a phone call from the police. The wealthy family had found the baby and the note, and they had called the police. H.I. and Edwina knew that they were in trouble, but they also knew that they had to face the consequences of their actions.
They turned themselves in and were immediately arrested. They were charged with kidnapping and child endangerment, and they knew that they were facing a long prison sentence.
As they sat in their cell, they couldn’t help but think about the baby. They had grown attached to him over the past few weeks, and they couldn’t bear the thought of him being placed in a foster home. They knew that they had to do something.
They reached out to the baby’s birth mother, and they were shocked to learn that she had passed away. They were devastated, but they knew that they had to keep the baby safe. They decided to fight for custody.
Their lawyer advised them that it would be an uphill battle, but they were determined. They fought tooth and nail, and eventually, they won. They were granted custody of the baby, and they were overjoyed.
They knew that they had to start over. They had to leave their life of crime behind and start fresh. They decided to move to a small town in the middle of nowhere, where they could start a new life together.
They bought a small house and settled in. They named the baby Nathan, and they raised him as their own. They were happy, but they still couldn’t shake the feeling that they had done something wrong.
One day, as they were walking through town, they saw a sign for a parenting class. They decided to attend, hoping that it would help them be better parents. It was there that they met other parents who had made mistakes in their lives.
They realized that they weren’t alone. They had made a mistake, but they had learned from it, and they were trying to be better people. They were still raising Nathan, and they loved him with all their hearts.
Years went by, and Nathan grew up to be a happy, healthy young man. He loved his parents, and he knew that they had done everything they could to give him a good life. He never knew about the circumstances of his adoption, but he didn’t need to. He knew that he was loved, and that was all that mattered.
As H.I. and Edwina looked back on their lives, they knew that they had made mistakes, but they had also grown and changed. They had started out as a couple living on the fringes of society, but they had ended up as a family, happy and content with their lives. They knew that they had done the right thing, and that was all that mattered.
Chapter 8: Baby Love
H.I. and Ed had settled into a comfortable routine with their new bundle of joy. They were enjoying being first-time parents, but their peaceful life was about to be interrupted.
It was a hot summer day when Gale and Evelle showed up at their doorstep. The two former prison buddies were looking for a place to crash and some quick cash. H.I. hesitated but eventually relented, hoping they could help out with the baby.
Gale and Evelle quickly proved to be more trouble than they were worth. They were constantly getting into arguments and making messes, causing H.I. and Ed endless frustration.
One night, Gale and Evelle announced that they had a plan to rob a convenience store. H.I. was reluctant to get involved, but Ed convinced him that they needed the money to support their new family.
The plan was simple: Gale and Evelle would go in and hold up the store while H.I. and Ed waited outside in the car with the baby. It seemed foolproof, but things quickly went awry.
As Gale and Evelle entered the store, they realized they had made a fatal mistake. Instead of robbing the cash register, they had accidentally grabbed a crate of hand grenades.
H.I. and Ed watched in horror as the store exploded in a cloud of smoke and debris. They immediately realized that they needed to flee the scene and leave Gale and Evelle behind.
They rushed back to their car and sped away, but the police were hot on their tail. H.I. drove as fast as he could, swerving around cars and narrowly avoiding collisions.
The chase was intense, with police cars and helicopters pursuing them at every turn. H.I. and Ed were terrified, not just for themselves, but for their precious baby.
Despite their best efforts, however, the police caught up with them. They were cornered in a dead-end street, with no escape in sight.
H.I. knew that they were in deep trouble, but he couldn’t bear the thought of losing his family. He made a split-second decision to surrender himself to the police, hoping that Ed and the baby would be spared.
As he was handcuffed and taken away, H.I. looked back at Ed and their baby with tears in his eyes. He knew that he had messed up, but he also knew that he would do anything to protect his family.
The next few weeks were a blur for H.I. and Ed. They were separated and put in different jails, each wondering if they would ever be reunited with their baby.
It was a dark time, but H.I. refused to give up hope. He spent every waking moment thinking about his family and devising a new plan to get them back.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, H.I. got his chance. He was being transferred to a different prison when there was a commotion outside his cell.
The guards were distracted, and H.I. saw his opportunity. He made a run for it, bursting through the door and sprinting down the hallway.
He had no idea where he was going or what he was doing, but he knew that he had to keep moving. He had to find Ed and their baby.
As he ran, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around, ready to face his captors, but instead, he saw Ed and the baby running towards him.
They embraced in a tearful reunion, holding onto each other tightly. For a moment, everything else faded away, and they were just a family, together at last.
They knew that they were still on the run and that they had a long road ahead of them, but they didn’t care. They were together, and that was all that mattered.
They walked out of the prison together, arm in arm, ready to face whatever came their way. They were a family, and nothing could ever break their bond.
Chapter 9: The Robbery
Gale and Evelle had not been the most trustworthy of companions thus far, and their latest scheme was no exception. They had decided to rob a convenience store in the dead of night, armed only with a sawed-off shotgun and an audacious plan.
They had carefully cased the store, learning the patterns of the clerk and the routine of the nights’ customers. The duo had picked an evening when they knew the clerk would be alone, and the only customers would be a few stragglers looking for a late-night snack.
The plan had been simple: Gale would go in first and distract the clerk, while Evelle snuck in through the back and emptied the cash register. They had even practiced their lines, with Gale taking on the role of the bumbling customer and Evelle playing the part of the quiet, efficient thief.
As they made their way towards the convenience store, Gale and Evelle exchanged nervous glances. They had never robbed a place before, and they were both feeling the weight of their inexperience. But they were committed to their plan, and they knew that the payoff could be significant.
When they arrived at the store, Gale went in first, his heart racing as he made his way to the counter. He feigned interest in various products, making small talk with the bored clerk, while Evelle made his way to the back of the store.
Evelle could hear Gale’s voice, and he knew that the time had come. He pulled out his sawed-off shotgun, making his way to the register. But as he fumbled with the cash drawer, he realized that something wasn’t right.
Instead of stacks of cash, there were only a few crumpled bills and a handful of coins. He quickly realized that they had been duped.
Meanwhile, Gale realized that something was wrong. There was a sense of tension in the air, and he could hear the clerk making a phone call in the back. As he made his way towards the door, he saw Evelle frantically digging through the empty register.
“Gale, we’ve been had!” Evelle shouted, his voice shaking with anger.
Gale knew that they had to get out of the store, but as they made their way towards the door, they realized that they were locked in. The clerk had hit the panic button, and the police were on their way.
Panic set in as they heard the sirens in the distance. Gale and Evelle frantically searched for a way out, but their options were limited. They could feel their hearts pounding in their chests as the sound of police cars grew closer.
Just as they were about to give up hope, they stumbled across a crate filled with what they thought was money. The two men quickly grabbed the crate and made a break for the door.
But as they tried to open the door, they realized that they had grabbed the wrong crate. Instead of cash, it was filled with hand grenades, the kind used in military operations.
Gale and Evelle didn’t know what to do, but they knew they had to get rid of the crate. They ran outside, hoping to ditch it somewhere, but as they tried to toss it into a dumpster, the grenades fell out, ricocheting off the concrete and causing an explosion.
The noise was deafening, and the smoke was thick. People ran in every direction, trying to avoid the chaos. Gale and Evelle stumbled away from the store, the crate still in their hands, as police cars surrounded them.
They knew they were going to jail, but they didn’t care. All they could think about was how badly they had messed up.
As police officers handcuffed them and read them their rights, they could hear the sound of H.I. and Ed’s car pulling up. They looked up, seeing the faces of their former friends, the couple who had stolen a baby.
H.I. and Ed were shocked at the scene in front of them. They had been driving by and had stopped to see what was going on. They didn’t know what to make of Gale and Evelle, or the explosions that had rocked the night.
But as they saw the desperation in Gale and Evelle’s eyes, they knew they had to act. They told the police officers that they knew the two men, and that they would vouch for them in court.
The police officers looked at H.I. and Ed skeptically, but they didn’t have much choice. They handcuffed Gale and Evelle, put them in the back of the squad car, and drove off into the night.
As H.I. and Ed watched the squad car disappear into the distance, they knew that they had just made a big mistake. But they also knew that they had done the right thing, for better or for worse. They got back in their car and drove away, wondering what other adventures lay ahead.
Chapter 10: A Happy Ending?
As H.I. and Ed sit in their jail cell, their hearts are heavy. They miss their baby, and they both know they will never get her back. They had made their bed, and now they had to lie in it. Ed is especially distraught, as she had been so desperate to be a mother that she had resorted to kidnapping.
But just as they are about to resign themselves to their fate, they hear a commotion outside their cell. It’s Gale and Evelle, who have once again managed to escape from prison. They burst into the cell, guns drawn, and H.I. and Ed can’t help but feel a sense of dread.
But to their surprise, Gale and Evelle aren’t there to harm them. Instead, they have a plan. They have smuggled in a hacksaw blade, and they intend to use it to break them all out of jail. H.I. and Ed are hesitant at first, knowing that they will only be running from the law for the rest of their lives. But then Gale and Evelle make an offer they can’t refuse.
They tell H.I. and Ed that they have a contact in Mexico who can provide them with new identities and a fresh start. They can take the baby and start a new life, free from their past mistakes. H.I. and Ed are reluctant, but the thought of being reunited with their child is too much to resist.
And so, the four of them begin their daring escape. They manage to sneak past the guards and make their way to a waiting car. Gale and Evelle are at the wheel, and H.I. and Ed sit in the back with the baby. As they drive away from the prison, they can’t help but feel a sense of excitement mixed with fear. They are leaving everything they’ve ever known behind, but they are also starting a new adventure.
As they make their way to the border, they encounter several close calls. They are almost caught by the police more than once, but they manage to slip away each time. Finally, they reach Mexico, and they are met by their contact. He gives them new identities, passports, and money. They are free to start a new life.
H.I. and Ed are overjoyed to have their baby back in their arms. They can’t wait to start a new life together, without the shadow of their past hanging over them. Gale and Evelle wave goodbye as they set off on their separate ways. The couple travels to a small village, where they start a new life as farmers. They live a simple life, but they are happy. They have each other, and they have their baby.
Years pass, and H.I. and Ed’s daughter grows up to be a kind and loving young woman. She knows her parents’ story, and she loves them for who they are. She never judges them for their past mistakes, and she is grateful for the life they’ve given her. As H.I. and Ed watch her graduate from high school, they can’t help but feel a sense of pride. They are happy to have made a new life for themselves, and they know that they will always be together, no matter what the future holds.
And so, H.I. and Ed’s story comes to a close. They had their fair share of ups and downs, but in the end, they found happiness. They learned that family is not defined by blood, but by the love and support that you give each other. And as they look back on their journey, they know that they wouldn’t have done anything differently. They are grateful for their past, because it led them to where they are today. With each other, and with their baby.
Some scenes from the movie Raising Arizona written by A.I.
H.I. McDunnough: A lovable ex-con with a heart of gold, who tries to turn his life around for the sake of his wife and the baby they’ve stolen.
Edwina: An ex-cop who longs for motherhood and agrees to the theft of a baby with her husband, but regrets it when she realizes how hard it is to care for a sick infant.
Setting: Arizona, USA
Scene 1 – “Introduction”
The camera pans over a dry and barren desert landscape, the sun beating down on it mercilessly. It then zooms in on a red Mustang driving down the road at breakneck speed.
We see H.I. McDunnough behind the wheel, a smile on his face as he celebrates his release from prison. Edwina sits in the passenger seat, trying to get him to slow down.
H.I., slow down, will you? We’re not in a hurry to get anywhere.
I’m just enjoying my freedom, honey. Can you blame me?
I guess not. But what are we going to do now?
Enjoy life, Ed. Just enjoy life. And maybe…start a family.
(smiling, but hesitant)
I don’t know, H.I. We’ve been through a lot. Are you sure we’re ready for that?
I’m positive, Ed. We’re going to be great parents. Just you wait and see.
The car suddenly screeches to a halt in front of a billboard that reads: “Furniture Emporium – Unpainted Arizona’s Largest Dealer.” H.I.’s eyes light up.
Ed, I’ve got a job interview!
(pointing at the billboard)
Right here, baby! The Furniture Emporium! I’m going to be a man with a job.
I don’t know, H.I. You’ve never had a real job before.
Well, I’m going to get one now. And then…we’ll start our family.
They both step out of the car, and as they walk towards the store, H.I. spots a young couple exit the store with a set of quintuplets. His eyes widen with astonishment.
Look at those little babies, Ed. Ain’t they cute?
Don’t even think about it, H.I.
Aw, come on, Ed. I can’t resist those little faces.
No, H.I. We’re not taking someone else’s baby.
But H.I. can’t resist the temptation, and as the couple drives off, he suddenly takes off in the direction of their car.
Edwina runs after him, screaming his name as if trying to stop him. The camera shows the car speeding off in the distance as Edwina falls to her knees and screams in frustration.
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
H.I. and Ed race down the street, carrying a bundled up BABY. They approach a parked car and hastily throw open the doors before piling in.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
H.I. plops into the driver’s seat as Ed slides into the passenger’s side, still holding the baby. She cradles it nervously, checking its breathing.
Is he okay? Is he breathing?
(trying to calm her down)
He’s fine, he’s just sleeping. But we gotta go, Ed. Now.
Ed looks at him with urgency, taking a deep breath.
Okay. Let’s go.
H.I. turns the car on and peels out of the neighborhood, tires screeching.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
H.I. speeds down the dark highway, trying to get as far away as possible from the scene of the crime. But in the rearview mirror, he sees the flashing lights of police cars, rapidly gaining on them.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
H.I. grits his teeth, glancing back at the baby in the backseat.
We gotta lose ’em, Ed. I can’t go back to prison.
Ed nods, holding the baby close to her chest. They weave through traffic, barely avoiding collisions and narrowly escaping the police cars.
EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
H.I. pulls up to a deserted warehouse and screeches to a halt. He jumps out of the car and helps Ed out, still holding the baby.
We gotta switch the license plates, then ditch the car.
Ed nods, looking around nervously.
INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
H.I. and Ed sneak into the dark, musty warehouse, looking for a place to hide out. Suddenly, they hear a noise and freeze.
H.I. and Ed turn around to see Gale and Evelle emerging from the shadows.
What’re you guys doin’ here?
What does it look like?
Did you pull off a job, H.I.?
H.I. shakes his head, looking at Ed.
We stole a baby.
Gale and Evelle exchange confused looks.
It’s complicated. Can you guys help us out?
Gale and Evelle nod, stepping forward to inspect the baby.
Wow. A baby. I ain’t never seen one of those up close.
H.I. rolls his eyes, but Ed chuckles softly.
(to the baby)
Looks like you’ve got some new uncles, little one.
The group settles in for a long night, hoping to evade the police and keep the baby safe.
EXT. MCDUNNOUGH HOUSE – DAY
Edwina sits on the front porch steps of the McDunnough house. She looks exhausted and stressed out. H.I. walks up the driveway.
Hey, honey. How’s the little guy?
He’s not doing too well. I think we need to take him to the doctor.
What’s wrong with him?
He’s not eating well and he’s been running a fever. I think he might be sick.
Alright, we’ll take him to the doctor. But we can’t let anyone know we have him.
I know, I know. But he needs medical attention.
H.I. nods and picks up the baby carrier. They get in the car and drive to a small clinic on the outskirts of town.
INT. CLINIC – DAY
H.I. and Edwina sit in a small examining room. A DOCTOR walks in.
What seems to be the problem?
Our baby… he’s not eating well and he’s been running a fever.
The doctor examines the baby and takes his temperature.
I’m afraid he has a severe ear infection. He needs antibiotics right away.
Are you sure it’s just an ear infection? Could it be something more serious?
It’s possible, but we won’t know until we run some tests.
We can’t run any tests. We can’t have any records of him.
I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
We… we can’t have any records of him. He’s not ours.
The doctor looks horrified.
You stole a baby?
H.I. and Edwina exchange a look.
Please, can you just prescribe the antibiotics? We’ll pay cash.
The doctor looks torn, but ultimately agrees to give them a prescription. H.I. and Edwina leave the clinic, relieved.
INT. CAR – DAY
H.I. drives, while Edwina holds the baby.
You think he’ll be okay?
I don’t know, H.I. We’re not equipped to take care of a sick baby.
We’ll figure it out. We always do.
Edwina nods, but looks worried. They drive off, both unsure of what the future holds.
INT. H.I. and ED’S HOUSE – DAY
H.I. and Ed are struggling to take care of the quintuplet baby, who is crying incessantly. H.I. is trying to change the baby’s diaper, but he keeps fumbling with the diaper pins.
“Just give me the baby. You’re hopeless.”
“Fine. You take him.”
As Ed takes the baby and rocks him, a knock is heard at the door.
“Oh god, who could that be?”
Ed sets the baby down and goes to answer the door. It’s Gale and Evelle, H.I.’s bumbling prison buddies.
“Hey H.I.! We heard you had a baby, so we thought we’d come check it out.”
“Can we hold him? I’ve never held a baby before.”
H.I. and Ed exchange a worried look.
“I don’t know guys, he’s kind of fragile.”
Ed hands the baby over to Gale, but he struggles to hold him and nearly drops him.
“Oh no, I don’t think I can do this!”
(trying to help)
“Here, let me take him!”
But Evelle accidentally knocks over a lamp, causing a loud crash.
“I think it’s time for you guys to go.”
Gale and Evelle sheepishly leave, muttering apologies.
(shaking his head)
“They mean well, but I don’t know if we can trust them with the baby.”
Ed picks up the crying baby and holds him close.
“I think we’re going to need all the help we can get.”
Scene 5: A Close Call
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
H.I. McDunnough is being transported back to prison in a police bus, accompanied by other criminals. Edwina is watching from a distance with tears in her eyes.
INT. POLICE BUS – DAY
H.I. and the other prisoners are singing and causing a ruckus. The bus driver is annoyed and tells them to quiet down.
Hey, shut up back there!
Why don’t you make us?
Suddenly, the bus swerves and crashes into a ditch. The prisoners take advantage of the situation and escape.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
H.I. and the other prisoners are running away from the bus. Edwina sees the chaos and rushes over to H.I.
H.I.! What happened?
The bus crashed. We gotta go!
They run away together, holding hands.
EXT. DESERTED HOUSE – DAY
H.I. and Edwina hide in an abandoned house, catching their breath.
What are we going to do now?
We gotta lay low. The cops are gonna be looking for us.
But what about the baby?
We’ll have to come back for him later.
Just then, the sound of police sirens can be heard in the distance. H.I. and Edwina look at each other, worried.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The police are searching the area, looking for the escaped prisoners. They pass by the abandoned house, not noticing H.I. and Edwina inside.
INT. ABANDONED HOUSE – DAY
H.I. and Edwina hear the police sirens fade away in the distance.
I think they’re gone.
We should wait a little longer, just to be safe.
Edwina nods in agreement.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
H.I. stands at the window, staring out at the world outside. Ed sits on the bed, looking downcast.
“I knew it was too good to be true. We can’t keep living like this, H.I.”
(turning to Ed)
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I can’t keep running from the law, living on the edge like this. I want a normal life, a family, a home. Can’t you see that?”
“I can see it, Ed. But we can’t just give up on Junior.”
“I know. But maybe it’s time we gave him back. Maybe it’s time we faced the consequences of our actions.”
H.I. looks at Ed, torn between his love for her and his desire to keep their surrogate son.
“I don’t know, Ed. I don’t know what to do.”
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door. H.I. cautiously opens it to reveal Gale and Evelle, looking as disheveled as ever.
“Hey pardner, mind if we crash here for a bit?”
“We’re in a bit of a jam, you see…”
H.I. looks at Ed, who nods understandingly.
“Sure, guys. C’mon in.”
As Gale and Evelle make themselves at home, H.I. and Ed exchange worried glances.
(whispering to Ed)
“I have a bad feeling about this, Ed.”
“Me too, H.I. Me too.”
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
H.I. is sitting on the bed, staring at the baby as it coos and giggles in its crib. Ed walks in, holding a tray with two cups of coffee.
(handing him a cup)
I talked to the lawyer this morning. He said the mother of the baby has passed away.
What? You mean we’re stuck with this kid now?
Looks like it.
H.I. looks back down at the baby and smiles.
You know, I’m starting to like this little guy.
(sitting down next to him)
I guess this is our life now.
(resting her head on his shoulder)
It’s not so bad, is it?
Well, I’m not used to this kind of thing. But I guess it’s not so bad when you’re with me.
And when we’re with our friends.
(raising an eyebrow)
As if on cue, Gale and Evelle burst into the room, carrying a crate full of guns.
Guess what we found!
What the hell is that?
Just a little something to help us out.
Ed rolls her eyes while H.I. looks on in horror.
Scene 8: “The Robbery”
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
H.I., Ed, Gale, and Evelle are parked outside the store in their beat-up old car. They’re all wearing ski masks and carrying guns.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
Gale and Evelle burst into the store, guns pointed at the clerk. H.I. and Ed try to keep lookout from outside.
Give us all the money in the register, now!
O-Okay, okay, just please don’t hurt me!
Evelle starts grabbing cigarettes and candy bars from the shelves.
And throw in a couple of those Coors, while you’re at it.
H.I. and Ed exchange worried glances outside. Suddenly, they hear police sirens approaching.
We gotta go, now!
H.I. nods and they both rush into the store.
(to Gale and Evelle)
Cops are coming, let’s get out of here!
They all hurry out of the store, Gale and Evelle carrying bags full of stolen money and goods.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
As they’re running back to the car, Gale trips and drops one of the bags. A crate of hand grenades spills out onto the ground.
What the hell?
(picking up a grenade)
Hey, look at this!
He accidentally activates the grenade, and it explodes in his hand.
H.I., Ed, and Gale all dive for cover as more grenades start going off, sending debris flying everywhere.
EXT. POLICE STATION – DAY
H.I. and Ed are sitting in a cramped holding cell, looking dejected. Gale and Evelle are in the cells next to them.
This was a dumb idea from the start.
Yeah, I guess we got carried away.
Suddenly, a police officer enters the cell block.
McDunnough and McDonnough, you have a visitor.
H.I. and Ed exchange confused looks as they’re led out of the cell.
INT. VISITATION ROOM – DAY
H.I. and Ed are sitting across from the BABY, who’s now a happy and healthy toddler. They’re all smiling and playing together.
(to the baby)
Do you remember us, little guy?
He probably doesn’t, but I’m sure he’ll grow up hearing all about our crazy adventures.
H.I. and Ed share a loving look, hopeful for their future together.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
Gale and Evelle, dressed in clown masks, enter the convenience store with guns in hand. They demand the cash from the cashier, but she tells them the safe is on a timer and won’t open for another twenty minutes.
Twenty minutes? Are you kidding me?
We don’t have time for this.
Gale notices a crate of what he thinks is cash behind the counter.
What about that crate? Hand it over.
The cashier begrudgingly gives them the crate, and they quickly exit the store.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Gale and Evelle excitedly open the crate, only to find it filled with hand grenades.
What the hell kind of cash is this?
Gale looks at the crate, realizing their mistake.
We got the wrong crate!
Suddenly, one of the grenades falls out and explodes into a fireball.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
The cashier calls the police as H.I. and Ed pull up to the store.
What are we doing here?
I think I know those clowns.
They enter the store to find it in shambles and the cashier shaken.
What happened here?
Two clowns robbed the place and took that crate.
Suddenly, the sound of sirens can be heard approaching.
The police are coming!
We’ve got to get out of here.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
As H.I. and Ed try to escape, Gale and Evelle appear with the crate of hand grenades.
Hey! You guys want some grenades?
We got the damn things by mistake!
As they argue, a grenade falls out and explodes.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
H.I. and Ed sit in a police station cell, looking dejected.
What are we going to do now?
I don’t know, honey. But we’ll figure it out.
I just want to see our baby again.
H.I. puts his arm around her, offering comfort.
We’ll get through this together.