“When love meets disaster, expect a whirlwind of laughter- a tale of a klutz striving to win over his formidable future father-in-law.”
Watch the original version of Meet the Parents
Prologue:
The city of Boston was basking in the soft sunlight of late autumn– a perfect day for plans and proposals, loves and pranks. On the outskirts of Cambridge, nestled between the Charles River and the Massachusetts Turnpike, lays a humble nursing home. Its old brick facade tells tales of a bygone era, and it is here that our story begins. In one of its well-kept rooms resided Greg Focker, a male nurse with a heart of gold and an own-brand humor that was uniquely his. Today was a special day for him; he was going to propose to his girlfriend, Pam.
As he lovingly glanced at the antique diamond ring he had hidden in his white coat’s pocket, he tried to imagine the look on Pam’s face when she would say yes. He knew Pam was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but there was one formidable hurdle to cross before he could pop the question – her father. The ex-CIA operative, the tower of intimidation, the humorless man known as Jack Byrnes.
Despite his nerves, Greg was determined to face the challenge head-on. Little did he know that his journey to win over his future father-in-law would set off a comedic chain of events, that would leave his life in disarray, while tickling the ribs of everyone else involved.
Chapter 1: “The Proposal”
The day was well underway when Greg finally managed to break away from his busy schedule. He had meticulously planned the whole day, trying to ensure every detail was perfect. He picked up the phone, his hand a little shaky. “Hello, Pam?” he stammered, his voice betraying his nervousness. On the other side of the line, Pam’s voice, sweet and expectant, responded, “Hey, Greg! What’s up?”
In the next few seconds, all of Greg’s carefully rehearsed words tumbled out like acrobats in a circus, tripping over each other and making a clumsy spectacle of themselves. He asked her to meet him for lunch at her favorite restaurant, the quaint Maison d’Lune, known for its romantic ambiance and sumptuous seafood.
Upon arrival, Greg was a bundle of nerves. He’d booked the most secluded corner of the restaurant to avoid any interruptions. But as he fumbled with the ring in his pocket, struggling to get the words out, a troupe of overexcited wait-staff made a spectacular entrance, singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to a surprised patron at another table.
In the ensuing chaos, Greg, with the timing of a man pushed to his limit, blurted out his proposal. The loud singing drowned his words, and Pam looked at him with complete confusion. He tried again, louder this time, his words colliding with the last note of the birthday song, “Pam, will you marry me?”
Pam was caught off guard. She stared at him, her lips parting in a mixture of surprise and delight. She looked at the ring he held out, its singular diamond sparkling under the ornate chandelier. And then she laughed, a beautiful, heartfelt chuckle that set Greg’s heart racing. “Yes, Greg,” she said, her eyes shimmering with tears and mirth. “A thousand times yes! But we have to get my parents’ blessing, especially my father’s.”
And so it began, Greg’s journey towards matrimony and the hilarious misadventures that awaited him. The calm before the storm was about to give way, and it would take Greg on a whirlwind ride of laughter, love, and ludicrous situations.
Chapter 2: “Meet the Byrnes”
Our hero Greg Focker travelled the distance from the city to the isolated town of Oyster Bay, Long Island. An arduous journey, but one Greg was prepared to endure to be deemed worthy by Pam’s family. The nervousness that had plagued him earlier had now multiplied tenfold as the prospect of meeting the Byrnes became more of a reality than a mere thought. His palms were sweaty, heart pounding like a drumbeat; it felt like a challenging rite of passage.
Upon arrival, the Byrnes’ residence was daunting, perhaps even imposing—a grand, colonial-style mansion, surrounded by a perfectly manicured lawn, where each blade of grass seemed to have been personally measured and cut by Jack himself. The home screamed sophistication and high standards—two things Greg could only hope to exude.
Before Greg could muster up the courage to face his situation, he was met with the daunting figure of Jack Byrnes, Pam’s father. The man was a towering figure, radiating power and command like a general on the battlefield. His stern expression, cut by a stern jawline, mirrored the inflexibility of a humorless ex-CIA operative—his past profession.
The rest of the family was introduced, and each one seemed to be a varying degree of Jack—a high-achieving stock broker, a defiant lawyer, and a former Olympic swimmer, further accentuating the Byrnes’ adherence to excellence. Greg, a nurse by profession, suddenly felt overwhelmed by the stark contrast in their achievements, triggering an avalanche of comedic self-deprecation.
Dinner was an ordeal. Jack’s hawk eyes scrutinized Greg’s every move, amplifying the nervousness that had already grabbed hold of him since he’d stepped foot on the Byrnes’ property. This resulted in a series of awkwardly hilarious situations—Greg slipping on the slick wooden floor, his over-enthusiastic attempts at small talk that only earned him puzzled looks, and of course, his hilarious struggle with some stubborn shellfish that would just not cooperate.
Each conversation around the dinner table felt like stepping on a landmine. Jack grilling Greg about his profession, the debacle about serving the wrong wine, and a hilariously horrifying moment while carving the roast – each instance was a masterclass in comic timing that held the reader’s attention. Greg seemed to be inching closer to the title of ‘family dunce’ than ‘son-in-law.’
Yet, amid the comedy was an intriguing subplot. Pam and Greg’s bond was genuine, their affection evident even amid the chaotic dinner. Each glance exchanged between them unveiled a layer of their relationship. However, this romantic respite was often broken by Jack’s intrusive questions, bringing the narrative back to its comedic origins.
The chapter concluded with a game of water volleyball, a Byrnes family tradition. Greg, in an effort to impress, took one disaster step after another. A wayward serve, a collapsed net, and a disastrous dive into the pool made for a visual comedy treat. Despite the series of mishaps, Greg persisted in his attempts to win Jack over, setting the stage for more comic exploits.
“Meet The Byrnes” is a comedic rollercoaster, interspersed with bursts of heartwarming romance and authentic characters. It sets the pace for the rest of the novel while laying the groundwork for the escalating comedy of errors that is to follow. This chapter is a testament to the phrase “The road to the heart goes through the stomach,” albeit a stomach that’s aching from laughter.
Chapter 3: “Focker’s Fumbles”
The scene begins with Greg Focker waking up, determined to make a lasting impression on Pam’s father, Jack Byrnes, a stern ex-CIA agent whose critical gaze had already unsettled Greg. He embarks on the day with the naivete of someone unaware of the comedic chaos about to ensue.
In an attempt to show he could handle responsibilities, Greg offers to make breakfast for the family. This seemingly simple task quickly spirals into disaster when an overambitious attempt at flipping pancakes ends up with the batter splattered all over Jack’s prized CIA memorabilia collection. The room fills with laughter as the reader witnesses Greg’s embarrassment when he greets Jack, his face still marked with streaks of pancake batter. The reader can almost hear Jack’s heavy sigh of disappointment.
Next, Greg decides to showcase his athleticism, convinced that this would impress Jack, an avid sports enthusiast. However, his lack of familiarity with American sports leads to an uproarious game of football in the backyard, where he accidentally throws the ball through the neighbor’s window. The ensuing chase scene, with Greg awkwardly clambering over fences and hedges, only intensifies the hilarious calamity. The tall tales Greg spins to explain the broken window contribute to the readers’ sense of comedic suspense.
In an attempt to recover from his blunders, Greg tries to imbibe himself into the ‘Byrnes family traditions’. One of them being a quirky family ritual involving a wooden urn containing the ashes of Jack’s mother. In a misguided attempt to honour the tradition, he mistakenly knocks over the urn, sending the ashes scattering into the wind and causing a deadpan Jack to assert that “Mother would have loved such a ride”. Greg’s mortification is palpable, and the reader can almost feel his despair as Jack’s hawk-like gaze lands on him again. Comedy intermingles with sympathy as Greg keeps stumbling from one disaster into another.
Lastly, in a bid to win over Jack’s affection, Greg offers to fix the faulty backyard grill, neglecting to consider his minimal knowledge about anything mechanical. The grill predictably explodes in a plume of smoke, setting the surrounding bushes on fire, causing a flurry of panic and a hearty dose of hilarity. Greg’s endeavours to put out the fire, involving a muddled wrestling match with the garden hose, only escalate the chaotic, side-splitting spiral of misfortunes.
Meanwhile, Greg’s enduring patience, good intentions, and undying love for Pam form the underlying, heartwarming theme amidst his ceaseless blunders. The familiarity of his dilemma – wanting to impress a significant other’s family only to have everything go awry – adds a relatable undertone to the comedy, drawing readers in and keeping them engaged.
The chapter closes with Greg reflecting on his disastrous day, standing amid the charred remnants of his best intentions. He wonders if his relationship with Pam will survive the onslaught of his comedic missteps. Little does he know that his journey of fumbles and faux pas has only just begun. This chapter, a parade of uproarious disasters, sets the perfect stage for the grandeur of comedic misadventures to follow, drawing the reader in with its blend of humor, romance, and anticipation.
Chapter 4: “Secrets and Lies”
Greg woke up to a bright new day, the Byrnes’ household buzzing with the ominous energy of a coming storm. The previous day’s mishaps still hung heavily over him. He shook off the remnants of nervous sleep, flexing his fingers in a determined fist. Today, he thought, he would impress Jack Byrnes.
His first target was the breakfast table. Wanting to show off his cooking skills, he endeavored to prepare breakfast for the family. He found himself in the colossal Byrnes’ kitchen, a virtual labyrinth of stainless steel appliances and sophisticated gadgets that appeared more suited for a scientific laboratory than a home kitchen. His heart pounded ominously against his ribs as he fought against the rising tide of bewilderment. Mistakenly turning on the blender instead of the coffee maker, raw eggs splattered across the tiles in a grand spectacle of chaos – and the morning had just started.
However, Greg was nothing if not resilient. Washing off the egg remnants from his face, he decided to tackle his next plan – a heart-to-heart conversation with Jack. Confronted by Jack’s stern gaze, Greg found his carefully curated stories unraveling, replaced by an elaborate tapestry of false achievements.
Unbeknownst to Greg, Jack was a human lie detector, his hawk-like gaze immediately piercing through the rehearsed stories. Jack’s eyebrow raised a fraction of an inch, a barely noticeable movement yet a significant warning of the storm brewing inside the former CIA agent’s mind. The inaccuracies in Greg’s tales were subtle, but to Jack’s trained eye, they might as well have been written in bright neon signs.
As Greg stumbled through a wildly improbable story about wrestling an alligator during a summer camp, Jack could barely suppress his amusement. The look of incredulity on Jack’s face was priceless – a moment that would have been overwhelmingly funny had Greg not been too lost in his own fabrication.
Then, in a misguided attempt to showcase his athleticism, Greg challenged Jack to a round of pool volleyball. Predictably, the challenge was met with disastrous results. Greg’s scant knowledge of the sport was exposed brutally as he missed shot after shot. His team’s defeat was inevitable, but when the game ended, it was met with laughter and friendly banter, adding a touch of warmth to the uncomfortable morning.
As the day progressed, Greg’s stories became more elaborate and unbelievable. And while anyone else might have been swayed, Jack’s years in the CIA had honed an instinct for deception. He watched with a twinkle in his eye as Greg dug himself deeper into the labyrinth of falsehoods. Each word, each action served only to confirm his initial suspicions about Greg.
The day reached its comical climax when Greg, in his desperation to seem interesting, claimed to have been a part of a space mission. The absurdity of the claim hung heavily in the room. Jack looked at Greg, the hint of a smile playing on his lips. The room was silent for a moment before the laughter broke free. It echoed through the Byrnes’ residence, a testament to Greg’s failed but valiant efforts.
Despite the countless blunders and tall tales, Greg’s earnestness was evident. His desire to be accepted by Pam’s family was clear in every ludicrous story he told, in every challenge he accepted. Despite the comedy of errors that marked Greg’s day, one couldn’t help but admire his persistent, if misguided, efforts.
Chapter 4 ended on a note of comic despair but also a glimmer of hope. The Focker-Byrnes saga was far from over, and the audience was left in eager anticipation of the hilarity that would, no doubt, ensue in the chapters to come. Greg’s fight for acceptance was well underway, and though he stumbled, his spirit remained unbroken. He had a daunting task ahead, and if the day’s events were any indication, it was going to be an uproarious journey.
Chapter 5: “Pillow Talk”
Let the story expand into a pleasing coil of soft, intimate whispers. The light from the hallway peeks underneath the door, streaking the dim bedroom with a hint of reality. Pam and Greg, lying entwined in a sea of starched white bed sheets, trade secrets and dreams, their shared warmth evident in the soft cadence of their voices.
Greg, for the uncountable time, finds himself enamored by the soft curve of Pam’s nose, the light freckles that dot her cheeks, and her angel-soft hair like spun gold. He brushes a stray lock from her face, his heart pounding with a symphony of adoration and bone-deep fear. Fear of the unending labyrinth that is her father’s approval.
Pam, blissfully oblivious to Greg’s internal turmoil, rolls onto her side, her blue eyes reflecting the array of emotions coursing through her. She intertwines her fingers with Greg’s, looking at him with a depth of understanding and a splash of mischief. The aura was electrified with her love for this man who, despite his constant stumbles and nervous laughs, had captured her heart entirely.
And for a while, they let the rest of the world slip away. In the magical lull their conversation offered, they find refuge. The looming specter of Jack feels far removed, the comedy of errors their lives have become, a distant afterthought. This chapter of their life is filled with a promise of romance, a calm in the turmoil that is ‘meeting the parents.’
But, of course, this is Greg Focker’s life; and calm, it seems, is not a part of his narrative. As Pam’s laughter at one of his self-deprecating jokes fades into the cool room, the calm shatters. The doorknob of their bedroom door jiggles, the sound resonating like a gunshot in the silence.
Before Greg can even process what’s happening, Jack Byrnes bursts into the room, his hawklike gaze taking in the scene. His eyes, sharp as a knife, dart from Greg’s hastily hidden bare chest to Pam’s flushed face. He stands there, his stern expression carving grooves of dread into Greg’s heart.
“What’s going on here?” Jack’s voice, gruff yet weirdly calm, demands an answer. Greg opens and closes his mouth, a fish out of water. He looks helplessly at Pam, who seems unperturbed by her father’s sudden intrusion.
“We were just talking, dad,” She answers, the soft lilt in her voice contrasting with the rising tension in the room. Jack grunts, clearly not satisfied with her explanation.
The chaos ensues. The topic transitions from what they were doing to impromptu interrogation on Greg’s job as a male nurse. Greg, growing increasingly flustered with each passing second, fumbles through his explanations, his usually quick wit seemed to desert him in the face of the stern, ex-CIA operative.
What was supposed to be a moment of quiet intimacy morphs into a hilarious yet horrifying mess within seconds. With Jack’s seemingly endless questions falling like rapid gunfire and Greg’s nervous ramblings setting the pace for the increasingly humorous situation, the chapter ends in a flurry of revelations and laughter.
As Jack finally leaves, supposedly satisfied with Greg’s answers, Greg falls back onto the bed, letting out a sigh of relief. Pam wraps her arms around him, shaking with suppressed laughter. Despite the catastrophe, their love shines, illuminating the room with its warmth, reminding Greg why he is putting up with this madness. He looks at Pam, her eyes twinkling with tears of laughter, and realizes he would do it all again if only to see that smile. And in this funny, chaotic journey of meeting the parents, their love story thrives, a blooming bud among the thorns. The pillow talk may have been disrupted, but the connection between Pam and Greg only strengthens, providing a heart-touching, comedic spin to their love story.
Chapter 6: “Greg versus Jinx”
The story takes an unexpected, gut-busting turn when Jack’s precious cat, Jinx, goes missing. Jack, with his trained ex-CIA operative instincts, instantly jumps to the conclusion that Greg is the culprit. What follows is an uproarious, calamitous endeavor, a one-sided man versus cat war, where Greg is inadvertently the only soldier.
Despite his initial protestations of innocence, Greg finds himself drawn into the quest to recover the feline fugitive. The search for Jinx navigates Greg through the labyrinth of the Byrnes’ household, feeding the narrative with an escalating comedy of errors.
Greg’s awkward attempts to lure the cat out of hiding with everything from a piece of string to an expensive tuna fish are met with nothing but silence. The scene darkens as he slinks remorsefully through the house, calling out in hushed tones, “Jinx. Jinxie…” The reader chuckles, sensing the impending disaster.
Seized by a burst of inspiration, Greg decides that the best way to earn Jack’s trust back is to prove his commitment to finding Jinx. He dashes off to the local pet shop in the middle of the night, determined to bring back a replacement cat.
The pet shop scene itself is a microcosm of bumbling hilarity. From Greg’s failing attempts at distinguishing one cat from another, to his desperate efforts to make an ordinary tabby look like Jinx. The scenario escalates as he attempts to replicate Jinx’s distinctive traits in a befuddled, ordinary tabby, culminating in a hilarious moment where he’s trying to toilet train the cat.
Meanwhile, back at the Byrnes household, Jack’s suspicion has mutated into something akin to silent, simmering rage. His former CIA training kicks in, as he begins a meticulous, albeit exaggerated investigation into Jinx’s disappearance. From fingerprinting the cat’s bed to dusting the cat flap for signs of forced entry, Jack’s seriousness about the entire situation adds to the comedic aspect.
As Greg returns home with the faux Jinx tucked under his arm, Jack confronts him. The exchange between them is a comedy of subtle, nuanced dialogue wherein Greg is fumbling for words, trying to pass the cat off as Jinx while Jack, with his uncanny, observational skills, picks up the discrepancies.
The chapter reaches its climax in an absurd spectacle of Greg, with a can of spray paint, attempting to make the new cat look like Jinx. However, just as he is cornered and about to confess, the real Jinx saunters back into the room, nonchalant and ever loyal to her master, Jack.
Greg’s shock and Jack’s amusement wrap up the chapter in a hilariously ironic twist, with Greg’s innocent efforts only serving to further cement his image as a fool in Jack’s eyes. But despite all odds, Greg’s unwavering determination to please Jack and win Pam’s hand is evident, leaving the reader both laughing and rooting for the hapless hero.
Chapter 7: “The Truth Revealed”
As the sun began to set on the picturesque Byrnes family home, Greg took a deep breath. He’d managed to survive so far into the trip without completely destroying his relationship with Jack Byrnes and his chances of marrying Pam. But he knew he couldn’t carry on with the lies. He’d spun a tangled web around him, and Jack, with his unnerving lie detection skills, was merely a whisper away from unmasking him.
Gathering his courage, Greg decided to come clean. The opportunity presented itself during dinner, the entire family gathered around the table, an array of home-made delicacies spread across. The atmosphere was ripe with laughter and stories, a stark contrast to Greg’s anxiety. He felt like a clown trying to perform a tragic monologue in the middle of a carnival.
With a heart pounding like a jackhammer, he cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the family. “I have something I need to say,” he announced, his voice a shade above a nervous whisper. All eyes, including Jack’s sharp gaze, turned to him.
The ensuing silence was deafening. Greg swallowed hard, took a deep breath and spilled the truth. He spoke of how he’d lied about being a member of the notorious ‘Nurse Ninjas’ to impress Jack. His confession unfolded with a comedic honesty as he admitted to every minor and major fabrication— about his credentials, his numerous fumbles, even about him losing Jinx, the cherished family cat.
An air of shock hovered over the room, the frantic laughter replaced by pin-drop silence. Jack’s face was stoic, an impenetrable fortress that gave nothing away. Greg felt like a man standing on a minefield, one wrong step capable of blowing up everything he held dear.
The tension was broken by an unexpected source—Pam. She started clapping slowly, standing up to face her father. “Bravo,” she said calmly, a smile blooming on her face. She turned to Greg and walked towards him, taking hold of his trembling hands. Her eyes were filled with a strange mixture of affection and admiration.
“Did you think you needed to lie to us, to me, to make us like you, Greg?” she asked softly. The tenderness in her voice was more comforting than anything he’d ever heard. Greg felt his knees almost buckling under the warmth of her love.
“We love you for who you are, Greg. Not for some commendable nurse group you were part of, or the silly, little lies you’ve told,” she added, looking sincerely into his eyes.
Pam, then, addressed her family, her voice firm and resonating, filled with conviction. “Greg is a good man. He’s been trying too hard to impress you all because….. because he loves me. And I love him. And I will stand by him, no matter what.”
The room was silent again. This time, however, it was a silence of realization, of acceptance. Jack was the first to break it. He looked at Greg for a long moment, before finally, grudgingly, nodding. “Well,” he said in his deep voice, “welcome to the family, Greg.”
Thus, the chapter ended with Greg getting Jack’s grudging approval, all his mistakes and fumbles forgotten, giving way to an unexpected, feel-good comedy of errors. The truth, indeed, had set Greg free. In the most hilarious manner possible, he’d won over the formidable Jack Byrnes and was one step closer to marrying the woman he loved.
Chapter 8: “The Wedding”
The day of the wedding dawned bright and warm, promising a picturesque backdrop for the union of Pam’s sister, Debbie, and her soon-to-be husband, Bob. The Byrnes’s house was teeming with wedding preparations in full swing, the air bristling with a mix of excitement, nerves, and the sizzling scent of hairspray.
Greg felt like he was in a whirlwind of chaos, his nerves threatening to spill over as he prepared to face Jack once more. His previous encounters didn’t bode well, but he was still standing, ready to face the formidable ex-CIA operative, hoping to finally win his grudging acceptance.
Meanwhile, Jack watched Greg from a corner of the room, his keen eyes assessing the younger man who had blundered his way through the weekend. His stoic face softened slightly, remembering how, despite the many disasters, Greg had remained determined and honest, even after being caught in his web of lies. Jack felt his defenses wavering but kept it under wraps, maintaining his uncanny, stern exterior.
The guests started arriving, decking out the Byrnes’s backyard in a sea of vibrant colors and lively chatter. The air buzzed with laughter, the clinking of glasses, and heartfelt congratulations, creating an atmosphere of joyous celebration.
Greg, feeling more than a bit out of his depth, turned to Pam for comfort. Seeing her radiant smile and the excitement sparkling in her eyes, all the disasters of the past few days seemed to melt away. He tentatively reached out to hold her hand and was rewarded by a squeeze that told him it was all going to be okay.
In the midst of the celebration, disaster struck again. The wedding cake, a towering masterpiece of frosting and sugar flowers, suddenly toppled over, landing with a splat onto Jack’s pristine suit. A collective gasp went around the gathering, followed by an awkward silence. All eyes turned to Greg who was standing shock-still near the cake table.
Greg stammered out an apology, which was drowned by the mortified shriek from the cake designer and the titters from the onlooking guests. Jack, however, simply stared at Greg, his hawklike gaze more piercing than ever. But, instead of the expected explosion, Jack surprisingly burst into laughter. The comedic tension of the past few days dissipated like the popped bubbles in the spilt champagne, as Jack’s rare laughter echoed through the stunned crowd.
Pam looked from Greg to her father in disbelief. This was not the reaction she had expected. But as Jack’s laughter continued to ring out, the tension of the past few days melted away, replaced by the sound of her father’s laughter and the sight of Greg, sheepishly trying to clear the cake wreckage but still managing to slip on the frosting.
The rest of the day passed in a blur of laughter, toasts, and the exchanging of vows. It wasn’t the perfect wedding, but it was one that they would remember for years to come.
By the end of the day, Greg found Jack standing by the porch, looking over the now quiet backyard. Gathering his courage, he approached the older man. Jack turned around and, in a surprising turn of events, extended his hand towards Greg. “Welcome to the family, Focker,” he said gruffly.
Accepting the handshake, Greg felt a sense of relief wash over him. He had finally won over the formidable father and, in his own disaster-prone way, had found his place in the Byrnes family.
Chapter 8 was not just about a chaotic, yet memorable wedding; it was about acceptance and the lengths to which a love-struck, somewhat clumsy man would go to earn it. It captured the essence of the journey Greg Focker had undertaken, filled with comedy, romance, and a little bit of cake-flavored disaster, to ultimately find acceptance and love in the hawkish gaze of Jack Byrnes. The story of Greg Focker and Pam Byrnes was not just a story of boy meets girl, it was a hilarious saga of boy meets girl, fumbles and stumbles, but eventually becomes a part of her family.
Some scenes from the movie Meet the Parents written by A.I.
Scene 1
FADE IN:
INT. GREG’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
The apartment is filled with soft, romantic candlelight. GREG FOCKER, early 30s, a kind-looking, nervous individual, is pacing around his small, cozy apartment. A small VELVET BOX is on the table. Greg talks to himself, rehearsing.
GREG
(whispering to himself)
“Will you, Pamela Martha Byrnes, do me the honor…”
INT. GREG’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Greg checks the oven. A HOMEMADE LASAGNA is bubbling inside. Suddenly, the DOORBELL RINGS, startling Greg and causing him to BURN HIS HAND on the oven rack. He yelps but regains his composure quickly.
GREG
(under his breath)
“Perfect start, Focker.”
He moves towards the door, takes a deep breath, and opens it. Standing in the hallway is PAM BYRNES, late 20s, smart, and beautiful, holding a bottle of wine.
PAM
(smiling)
“Did I hear a yelp?”
Greg tries to laugh it off, revealing his clumsiness and nerves, reinforcing the comedic undercurrent.
GREG
(awkwardly)
“No, no. I was just…singing.”
Pam raises an eyebrow, chuckles, and playfully pushes past Greg into the apartment. As the evening unfolds, Greg’s planned romantic night gradually descends into a comedy of errors as he fumbles towards the proposal, creating both tension and laughter, setting the tone for the rest of the script.
FADE OUT.
Scene 2
INT. BYRNES’ LIVING ROOM – DAY
(Greg Focker enters nervously. The room is a testament of Jack’s disciplined and secretive life. Jack Byrnes, stern-faced former CIA operative, sits on his chair, reading a newspaper.)
GREG
(Extending a shaky hand)
Mr. Byrnes, it’s a pleasure to…
(Jack ignores Greg’s extended hand and continues reading his newspaper.)
GREG
(Clears throat nervously)
Well… Nice place you’ve got here.
JACK
(Lowers newspaper, revealing his hawklike gaze)
This is a test, Focker.
GREG
(A bit startled)
A… test?
JACK
(Leans forward)
Everything you say, everything you do… it’s all part of the test. You know why?
GREG
(Nervously)
Um… I guess to… to…
JACK
(Interjects)
Because a parent who doesn’t vet his daughter’s potential spouse… is as careless as a CIA agent who doesn’t vet his sources.
(Greg gulps nervously as Pam enters the room.)
PAM
(Disturbed)
Dad, you’re not grilling him already, are you?
JACK
(Putting the newspaper aside)
Just a friendly chat.
(Greg sighs, easing his nervousness slightly.)
FADE OUT.
Scene 3
FADE IN:
INT. BYRNES FAMILY LIVING ROOM – DAY
(Jack, Greg, Pam, and Dina all sit in the living room.)
JACK
(Examining Greg suspiciously)
So, Greg, what exactly do you do for a living?
GREG
(Attempting to sound impressive)
Well, sir, I’m a nurse.
JACK
(Laughs)
A male nurse?
GREG
(Awkwardly)
Yes, helping people is…well, it makes me happy.
(He glances at Pam, trying to regain some confidence.)
CUT TO:
INT. BYRNES FAMILY KITCHEN – DAY
(Greg is making soup in the kitchen, attempting to win over the family with his cooking skills. Unfortunately, he sets the towel near the stove on fire.)
GREG
(Alarmed)
Oh, dear!
(He tries to put out the fire by throwing the burning towel into the sink, only for the flames to leap onto the dish drainer.)
CUT TO:
EXT. BYRNES FAMILY’S BACKYARD – DAY
(Greg is trying to make up for his disaster in the kitchen by helping out in the garden. However, he manages to chop off the top of some prized family hedges.)
GREG
(Alarmed, then trying to downplay)
Oh! Little off the top there, hah. It…umm…adds character?
(He glances nervously at Jack who is watching him with a hawkish gaze.)
FADE OUT.
Scene 4
INT. BYRNES’ LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jack, a stern, white-haired man with a piercing gaze, is sitting on a chair. Greg, an anxious man with a friendly face, enters the room.
GREG
(awkwardly smiles)
Jack…umm…did I ever tell you about the time when I, uh, saved a man from drowning?
Jack raises an eyebrow, intrigued.
JACK
(sternly)
No, you didn’t. Let’s hear it.
CUT TO:
INT. GREG’S IMAGINATION – DAY
Greg is seen pulling a man from a tumultuous sea, superhero style. Back to reality.
GREG
(exaggerating)
The waves were huge, ten, maybe twenty feet high…
Jack looks at Greg, skeptical but silent. Greg takes this as an invitation to continue.
GREG
(with false bravado)
And I jumped right in – didn’t think twice.
Jack’s gaze grows colder. Greg falters under the scrutiny.
GREG
(nervous)
Well, maybe I exaggerated a bit about the waves… it was more like a swimming pool, not the ocean. And the guy… well, he was more drunk than drowning.
Jack gives Greg a look of disappointment, Greg’s shoulders drop.
GREG
(deflated)
I just wanted to impress you, Jack.
Jack stares at Greg for a moment in silence, then breaks into unexpected laughter. Greg blinks, shocked as the camera fades to black.
TO BE CONTINUED…
This screenwriting piece presents a lot of opportunities for comedic moments, particularly showing the exaggeration in Greg’s story and his anxious attempts to impress Jack. The scene ends on a cliffhanger, leaving the viewer wondering how Greg’s coming clean will affect his relationship with Jack and Pam.
Scene 5
INT. BYRNES’ FAMILY LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Pam and Greg sit on the plush loveseat, their hands intertwined. The soft light from the lamp shines on their faces, casting long shadows on the room’s antique decor.
GREG
You know, Pam…I, uh…I didn’t think it would be so hard.
PAM
(smiles)
Impressing my dad?
GREG
(nods)
Yeah…he’s like an alpha wolf, and I’m…well, I’m just me.
They share a warm, heartfelt laugh. The room is filled with an intimacy that they haven’t shared since their arrival.
PAM
Honestly, Greg… You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to prove anything.
GREG
But I want to. I want him to know that I’m capable, that I can take care of you…
Suddenly, the room door CREAKS open, and Jack steps in with a stern face, interrupting the moment.
JACK
(interupts)
Pamela, I found your lost earring in the bathroom.
PAM
(stands up)
Thanks, dad.
Jack looks at Greg, who nervously adjusts in his seat. There’s an awkward silence.
JACK
(looks at Greg)
And Greg, any luck impressing me yet?
They all share a forced laugh, but Greg’s eyes are filled with a renewed determination. As they all leave the room, the camera focuses on the loveseat where the two lovers had shared a brief, but meaningful moment.
FADE OUT.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Scene 6
INT. BYRNES HOUSEHOLD – AFTERNOON
Greg, extremely nervous, scans the room. The room in disarray.
The family heirloom lay shattered by the fireplace.
GREG
Jinx? Jinx, where are you?
Suddenly, the silence is broken by a thunderous CRASH from the kitchen.
INT. BYRNES KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Greg rushes in to find a flower vase tipped over, water pooling on the counter. Scratches on the open window. He gulps.
GREG
(V.O)
Just great…
EXT. BYRNES BACKYARD – CONTINUOUS
Greg steps outside onto the patio, looking around for any sight of Jinx. Suddenly, he hears a familiar MEOW from atop the tree.
GREG
(looking up)
Oh thank god… Jinx!
Greg attempts to climb the tree, battling branches and his fear of heights. A series of comedic missteps, slips, and near-falls follow.
Suddenly, Jack steps out onto the patio, holding a cup of coffee. He looks out quizzically, noticing Greg stuck halfway up the tree.
JACK
(dryly)
Focker, are you stuck in the tree?
GREG
(slightly panicked)
No, no… just… um… looking for Jinx.
Jack raises his eyebrows, taking a sip of his coffee, unfazed by the spectacle.
JACK
(smiling)
Well, good luck.
FADE OUT
